One Picots: The Yaoi Guide
by 12tailedninja-demon
Summary: A compilation of yaoi pairings. FIRST UP: Shanks/Kidd! NEXT UP: Doflamingo/Smoker! NEXT UP: Shanks/Law! NEXT UP: Crocodile/Sanji! NEXT UP: Mihawk/Ace! Upcoming: Surprise!
1. Shanks x Kidd

Pairing: Shanks x Kidd

Rated: M

Summary: The Kidd, Apoo, and Hawkins Alliance goes underway. Major Spoilers for those that are not up to date with the manga.

* * *

It had been a pain in the ass dealing with Hawkins simpering know-it-all attitude and Apoo's blunt and rude behavior for 3 weeks straight. Kidd had to be restrained by Killer at least 15 times every day. And that was before Apoo starting playing that shit that he called music. Now it was 15 times hourly. Kidd grit his teeth as Apoo's music was used to insult him. The flute mimicking sounds pronouncing swear words. His metal arm grated, as steel screeched upon steel. Hawkins was busy shuffling his stupid cards, announcing, "65% chance of being killed… These numbers are changing more in our favor." He ambled through his cards, "Perhaps, by the end of the day, we shall have 50% with us."

Like Kidd gave a shit. After barely escaping Kaido, the fucker landing on HIS island right while they were going over the details, well, Killer giving the details, he had enough. Of course, when one of the Yonko presented himself like a Christmas present, he insisted on beating the shit out of him, after all, Killer kept yapping about how an alliance would be useful. And fuck was Killer wrong. Hawkins had literally taken one glance at the card he drew, while Kidd was gathering weapons with his devil fruit powers, and flat- out refused to take on Kaido with him, going on about the odds not being in their favor. Apoo humming about how he allied with him to take on Shanks, _not_ Kaido. Little shit just said that to set him off. And it did.

Killer, being the kill joy he was, abruptly stopped Kidd from waging what he called would had been a massacre, and ain't that just funny? Shitty first mate he had. Killer being the annoying diplomat he was informed Kaido of how Joker would be using this time to escape, even as going as far as wishing him good luck in beating the poor son of a bitch. Kidd was furious as his allies and Killer prevented him from beating the shit out of a Yonko. Sure, he wants to beat up Shanks, but dammit, it's not as if he made a list in order, he wouldn't complain about being able to get Kaido and Shanks with the damned new alliance.

"Shut the fuck up, you stupid musical cunt!" Kidd snarled over to Apoo, whose ship was at the starboard to his own. "You call that music?! A cat being fucked by a Sea-king would sound better than you!" He jabbed, his flesh hand clenching tightly.

"To be honest, that would imply _you_ sound better than me." Apoo said casually, implying that Kidd sounded like a cat being fucked by a Sea-King. Kidd sneered, glowering at the little shit that Killer had insisted would go well with their plan. He mentally snorted, 'His skull adorning the kitchen table would be a better usage.' He glanced at the long arms of Apoo, a trait of his people… a stupid trait, if Kidd ever saw one. 'Probably has a fucked up skull too, on second thought, I don't want it in the kitchen, I don't want to lose my appetite. It'll be better on the helm of the ship.' Kidd thought darkly.

Kidd was about to jump unto his fellow alliance's ship to give him a piece of his mind, when Killer called out to him. "Captain." Kidd slowed down his gesture, to tilt his head over his shoulder. "We have news th-" Killer was cut off as Apoo jeered, "That's right, listen to your master, bitch. Honestly, _why_ are _you_ the captain?"

Kidd was upon Apoo in less than a second, fully willing to smash his stupid face into oblivion. Apoo jumped back out of reach. Annoyingly, his punch broke through the wooden deck of Apoo's ship instead of said ship's captain. Before any other moves could be made, however, Killer shouted at them exasperated, annoyed, and pissed off.

"Stop it, already! We're close to the Island that Red-haired Shanks is resting at! We need to get ready to fight!"

This garnered both captain's attentions, anger at one another already placed aside. "What? How far away?" Kidd demanded. "An hour." Killer answered, arms crossed in front of his chest, "Thank god, I can't handle babysitting you two anymore." A malicious grin broke out over Kidd's face.

Apoo hummed to himself, arms flailing about stupidly, "Time for the rock star's debut." He said self-appreciatively.

Kidd snorted, "A rock star sent straight from hell? Maybe you can actually kill Red-Haired with that horrendous crap."

Apoo rolled his eyes, "I'm guessing some of that hair gel got into your ears, hmm?" Kidd hearing worse insults in his life, walked back to his ship, jumping the rails. "I'm expecting you to pay for the damage you just did to my ship by the way."

"What are you complaining about this time? If you hadn't moved that wouldn't have been there, you bitch." Kidd said, just wishing for the man to drop dead already. He could hear Killer sigh behind him.

"Such was the fate of your ship, Roar of the Sea." Hawkins said, sitting at the table on Kidd's deck, looking at a card intently.

"The hell it was." Apoo growled.

"The fuck are you still doing on my ship?!" Kidd scowled. He turned to his first mate. "Oi, Killer, what the fuck were you thinking when you invited him on board?"

Killer shook his head, his spiked long blond hair shifting at the movement, "It was so that I could actually have a conversation with a mature adult." Kidd frowned at the insult.

"60% chance of being killed…" Hawkins muttered out loud from his cards, before addressing Kidd and Killer, "It seems that I will be joining with you today. These are certainly good chances in our favor, considering it's a Yonko. It'll be rare to get another opportunity like this again."

Kidd stared harshly at Hawkins, "You fucker, you already agreed to join us weeks ago. Don't think I would've let you off if you decided to change it now."

Hawkins remained seated unperturbed, before gathering his cards off the table, standing up. He walked smoothly past Kidd, "You're individual chances of getting on top is 17.6%. I'd avoid directly confronting Red-haired by yourself." He warned. He continued to his ship. Kidd paid no heed to the stupid fortune-telling of his ally.

He'd learn to regret that later.

* * *

An hour later found the ships of the three allied captains pulling anchor. Kidd observed the surrounding looming trees of the Island nearby. He could vaguely sense the presence of powerful opponents lying in wait with his meager Observational Haki. He was certain now that Killer's information was correct about the scarred faced Yonko being on this island. "Alright, men!" He shouted, calling his crew's attention upon himself, he smirked gleefully with sadistic intent, "Let's go Yonko hunting."

On Apoo's ship, loud banging god-awful music started to play. "Who is gonna end up on the front page of tomorrow's newspaper for the defeat of a Yonko?!" Apoo shouted out to his shitty crew. "THE ON AIR PIRATE CREW!" They shouted back loudly. Kidd pinched the bridge of his nose, "Killer, after this, I order you to _not_ interfere while I brutalize that fucker. Oh, and this is the last time I'm forming an alliance with the card- reading freak, understood?"

Kidd felt the annoyance Killer felt despite being unable to see his face, as he sharpened his blades, before his shoulders sagged, "As long as you don't make too much of a mess." He replied. Kidd grinned, "No guarantees." Making a mess will be the least of his concerns when he finally got his hands, both flesh and metal, on that long-armed freak musician from hell. He never did get over that stare down he had with Apoo briefly on Sabaody in that bar 2 years ago.

"Set out, men!" Kidd shouted. "Take on whoever you wish! But Red-haired is mine!" His crew shouted back their consent. Kidd jumped off ship, landing on the pearly white beach of the island. Killer told him it was named Gurashi Noble Island, from some stupid explorer.

Apoo landed next to him, followed by Hawkins. The three captains shared glances, silently agreeing to work together now that they were so close to their goal. They walked into the thickets of trees walking towards the powerful auras of the Yonko and his crew-mates. It took half an hour of walking through the plantation until the three with each his crew-mates following behind, finally reached the Yonko's camp.

The clearing contained tents protecting the Yonko from the scant sunlight visible through the tree branches. All of the crew was seated casually, faces shadowed.

"Ah, there they are, captain." A deep baritone spoke, the man in question smoking on a cigarette.

"I see." Another answered, a brief silence eclipsed the four crews, before he continued, "I was wondering why you three super rookies allied with one another, and seeing as you're here, I assume you want to fight?" His face was shadowed, but the red hair framing the face itself gave away the man. His voice seemed slightly excited and amused.

"Got that right." Kidd answered, voice cocky. He wore a vicious smirk. The crew mates of the three allied pirates tensed in preparation behind their captains. Red-haired huffed a small chuckle under his breath. "Then… what exactly... are you waiting for?" He said darkly. The atmosphere surrounding them thickened intensely, as the one-armed Yonko used a concentrated blast of Conqueror's Haki. Thuds behind Kidd could be heard as the weaker members of the rookie alliance fell unconscious. The trees nearby could be heard groaning under the pressure. The three captains remained standing, however, even they were affected by the heavy haki of the Yonko.

"So this is the Haki level of one of the Yonko." Apoo said, his voice colored with astonishment.

"Heh." Kidd scoffed under his breath, before utilizing his devil fruit power to gather the weapons of the fallen pirates behind him. He lifted up his metal arm, gathering the weapons to shape a huge arm. "Repel." The arm flew at the Yonko and his crew. Some scattered, not the Yonko himself, however, as in an instant he unsheathed his sword and cut the metallic arm in half. The pieces flew by him on each side, smashing into the trees behind him. He tilted his shadowed face upwards, fixing the rookies with a hard stare, the three scars on his left eye furthering the look. A second passes as the trees crack under the force of Kidd's attack, falling with a deafening crash. The next second, the allied rookie's crews and the Yonko's clash, chaos erupting.

The three captains ran towards the Yonko preparing their assault on the Yonko, still seated on his barrel of Sake. A gunshot was heard as Apoo was intercepted by Yassop, the Yonko's sniper. Hawkins was intercepted by Lucky Roo, another gunner of the Yonko's crew. Whilst Kidd himself was intercepted by Benn Beckman, the Yonko's first mate. Kidd's clash was brief as Killer stepped in, aiding his captain. Kidd smirked as Benn fought the onslaught of Killer's blades. He continued unto Red-haired by himself.

Kidd called back the weapons from his first attack, pulling them towards Shanks' back. He saw the Yonko smirk at him before jumping over the onslaught of flying weapons. He landed at the edge of the clearing, amusement dancing in his eyes. Kidd stopped pulling the weapons towards himself, instead opting to push them out, towards Red-haired. Dodging the weapons once more, Kidd appeared in front of him, his metal arm constricted like a Boa snake, as the compressor pulled his fist back.

Shanks reacting calmly, pulled his sword out in front of him. A loud clunk was heard as Kidd's metal arm met Shanks' sword. The two men's eyes met, "That arm is quite useful." The Yonko mused out loud. Kidd grinned, "Yes, it is." The compressor let out, the fist shot out. The sword faltered for a fraction of a second, before Shanks leaned into it more, withholding his position. Kidd noticing this jumped back a small distance. A few seconds was spared, each one assessing one another. The sounds of fighting echoing from the clearing behind them. Kidd jumped at his opponent. Shanks parrying.

Kidd noticed rather quickly that he was being led away from the clearing, as he could barely hear the fighting anymore, never-mind being unable to see the clearing. He didn't mind, it just meant that no one would be interrupting them anytime soon. It was only minutes later when he felt weakened, like the environment itself was leeching away at his strength, that he did mind. The feeling was so sudden and unexpected it left Shanks with an opening that he didn't waste anytime of taking advantage of.

With the blunt edge of his sword he caught the collar of Kidd's heavy coat, forcing the rookie towards him, and with a graceful flick of his wrist, flung Kidd over him, hurling him unto his back. In the blink of an eye, Shanks straddled Kidd, the sharp edge of his sword held against his neck.

The breath was forced out of Kidd as he hit the harsh unbending ground, feeling lethargic as his strength left him. He felt Shanks settle his weight over him, feeling the sharp sword held against his neck threateningly. He was bewildered as to why he felt weak, but when his metal arm fell off his shoulder, it clicked. Seastone. They were on a slab of Seastone. Worse yet, Kidd let himself fall into this stupid trap. He scowled up at the Yonko seated upon his stomach. The Yonko's sandaled foot nudged his former metal arm away, commenting along the way.

"I figured it was your devil fruit that was keeping that metal attached to you." He leaned closer to Kidd's scowling face, "This island used to be underwater, you know. There's Seastone deposits everywhere. I even heard that the Navy has plans on harvesting the Seastone here soon."

"Tch." Kidd grumbled, "What do you plan on doing? You… won." He gritted out. His eyes burning hell fire. He seethed, as Hawkins earlier warning came to mind. 'That damned card-reading freak.' He thought.

Shanks offered an ominous smile at Kidd, allowing his eyes to roam over Kidd's muscled frame suggestively. He reconnected his eyes back to Kidd's, eyebrow quirking upwards. A frown etched Kidd's face, he knew exactly what the Yonko wanted. Unfortunately, he didn't swing that way, he'd sooner take a tree over a male, but he had lost to this pirate. It'd be shameful to not suck it up and allow the Yonko what he wished. It'd be equally shameful to allow himself be the bitch too, though. He had no delusions that Red-haired would bottom.

"This stays here." Kidd growled out, "And if you think I'm gonna participate you have another thing coming to you." That was last sort of defiance he could take out of this shitty situation.

Shanks huffed, amused. "I'll have to do all the work, eh?" He chuckled, "Alright, and don't worry." He leaned to Kidd's right ear, his warm breath ghosted the outer shell, sending pleasant shivers down Kidd's spine. "I won't tell a soul." Shanks licked from the earlobe to the helix, causing Kidd to shudder underneath him. The Yonko deftly removed his sword from the super rookie's neck, gently placing it aside, as he gave kidd butterfly kisses across his jaw.

He soon reached Kidd's thin lips decorated with dark red lipstick, nibbling gently at the younger's bottom lip for permission to enter. Kidd hesitantly opened his mouth, Shanks immediately forcing his tongue in. He explored the moist cavern, licking along the roof of Kidd's mouth, shaping Kidd's teeth mentally with his tongue's touch. His only hand reached up to Kidd's hair, tugging the rough strands free from their styled spikes. Kidd growled warningly, not wanting his hair in disarray. Shanks smirked against the kiss, breathing through his nose, as he ignored the warning and continued tugging the red strands. He playfully pushed his tongue against Kidd's own, coaxing him to actually participate.

Kidd's tongue jerked against Shanks, before he let loose another growl, pushing his tongue back roughly. The two fought for dominance, their tongues battling one another, as Shanks felt Kidd get excited under him. He smiled coyly, allowing Kidd entrance into his own mouth. He breathed deeply through his nose as Kidd licked the roof of his mouth, enjoying the taste of sake. His hand reached the goggles settled atop Kidd's head, gently pulling them off. He tilted back Kidd's head, interrupting the kiss. Kidd panted for breath, leaving Shanks amused that the super rookie forgot to breath through his nose.

Shanks hungrily stared at the pale expanse of throat, Adam's apple bobbing as Kidd breathed heavily. He leaned back in, kissing Kidd's Adam's apple, trailing down to the juncture where neck met shoulder. Kidd's scar ran through the area. He bite down, his teeth puncturing the soft flesh. Kidd hissed at the mild pain. He licked the bruising flesh, tasting the droplets of blood. Kidd repaid the favor, sharp teeth latching upon Shanks flesh. The Yonko hissed at the unexpected pain. He felt Kidd's lip curl against his wounded flesh in satisfaction.

"Thought you wouldn't participate?" Shanks said cheekily. "Never said that I wouldn't Red-haired, jus' said not to think of it happening." Kidd said back smugly. The older rolled his eyes at the loophole, before offering one last lick at the bruising flesh. Shanks released the red strands from his grasp, placing his hand on Kidd's exposed chest instead. His fingers traced the scarred flesh, "Is this from the same thing that took off your arm?" He questioned not really expecting an answer. He received no answer.

He slid down from Kidd's stomach to his thighs. Shanks leant down planting a kiss on the gruesome scar, deciding to get down to business, he bite lightly at the perked nipple, his hand tweaking the other. Kidd groaned out his pleasure, agreeing with the change of pace. "You're wearing too much, Red-haired." His voice was strained, his remaining hand placed itself upon Shanks upper chest, as his simple button shirt wasn't buttoned all the way. His hand stumbling moved down button by button, opening Shanks shirt more each passing second.

Shanks let up his assault on the perky nipples, as he slid off his shirt. He was happy he had already removed his cape as soon as he felt the approaching Haki's of the rookie crews. Kidd took the opportunity to appraise the muscled body above him, not as hot as the body of a busty chick, but it was still nice on the eye, he decided. He snapped out of it and started unbuckling his pants. Shanks noticing the eagerness, held back a laugh, as he also removed his pants.

Within moments, both were naked.

Shanks eyed the hard- on Kidd shamelessly sported resting on his muscled stomach, the tip a dark frustrated pink. He took a moment to appreciate the hazed look in Kidd's red eyes, before dipping his head down, keeping eye contact. Kidd swallowed hard at the sight of Shanks about to offer a blowjob, his eyes dark with lust pinning him in place. The Yonko traced the bulging vein on Kidd's dick with his tongue, applying more pressure as he approached the tip. He lapped up the beads of pre-cum on the head, just barely avoiding making contact with the slit. Kidd groaned out loud.

Shanks hand fell down, massaging the balls roughly. He trailed kisses along the hard length.

"Hgn… ha… ha." The sounds Kidd made spurred Shanks on. Abruptly, he swallowed the whole length into his mouth, the tip hitting the back of his throat. Kidd's hips snapped up off the ground at the tight heat, Shanks head following, leaning back to avoid choking.

"Ngh!" Kidd moaned. His hips fell back down, legs pushing around uselessly. Shanks hollowed his cheeks, his tongue wrapping around the length. He slid his body back, using his hand to push open Kidd's legs.

Kidd complied, throwing his legs over Shanks shoulders, his heels pressing down in his back. Shanks bobbed his head up and down, keeping his cheeks hollowed, leaving no place unlicked. "Hah.. ha… ngh… gah.. nya." Kidd panted and moaned. This was the best blow job he had ever received. Obscene slurping noises could be heard. Soon a familiar sensation of heat curling up in Kidd's stomach could be felt, "Ah! I'm… I'm about to…" His toes curled. He release was denied however.

As Shanks lifted his head for the last time, he gently let his teeth scrape the underside of Kidd's length. The pain it caused made Kidd gasp in approval. The length fell out with a pop. Kidd letting loose an embarrassing whine at the denial. Shanks smiling, offered his fingers for Kidd to lick. "Not just yet." He said. Kidd red-faced from the pleasure let the fingers in, licking them wet. He glowered at Shanks nonetheless. When they were properly wet, Shanks pulled them out. With his index finger, he pressed against Kidd's entrance between his cheeks. He watched aroused as the hole hungrily swallowed it, his dick twitched.

Kidd grunted at the odd sensation, the finger moved around searchingly. For what reason escap- "Ngah!" He moaned out from the sudden pressure, as the finger pressed against something inside him. Shanks smiled seductively, as he rubbed his finger mercilessly against the bundle of nerves. Kidd writhed and squirmed underneath him. His hips stuttering. Shanks added another finger, watching as Kidd gasped and squirmed desperately under him. He added the third.

Kidd pushed against his fingers needy for release. Shanks groaned at the sight of Kidd trying to fuck himself on his fingers, he couldn't hold it back anymore. Removing his fingers from the hole, Kidd let out another adorable whine. He grasped Kidd's hip, lining himself up.

Kidd's eyes rolled up slightly at being entered by Shanks dick, which was much bigger than three mere fingers. He felt so full. Shanks grunted at the tight heat enveloping him, he was full seated inside Kidd now. He rolled his hips slowly, allowing Kidd to adjust to his girth.

"Hah, ha.. ha… move ah… already." Kidd snapped out, impatient. Shanks grinned, pulling out until only the tip was in, then slamming in, making use of his formidable strength as a Yonko. Kidd's head flew back at the pleasure, as Shanks hit that sweet spot within him easily.

Kidd reached out to his untouched weeping cock to further add to the pleasure, however, Red-haired took offense to that. Shanks maneuvered their bodies, so that he was sitting with Kidd on his lap, his hand held behind him stuck between his back and Shanks chest. Kidd yelped at the change in position. The Yonko rolled his hips slowly, his length still inside of Kidd.

"Ga… ha… ngh!" Kidd cried out, he threw his head back, leaning on Red-haired's shoulder. His dick left alone.

"No." Shanks growled possessively in Kidd's ear, "You'll cum from my dick alone, understood?" He nibbled on the ear, before returning his attention to fucking Kidd. He easily thrust his hips, pistoning into Kidd's immobile body. The force of the thrusts causing Kidd's hard angry red dick to slap his stomach.

Kidd's legs fumbled about uselessly, as his hips thrust in sync with Shanks'. His face flushed as red as his blood toned hair. His eyes were firmly shut, tears caught between the lids. Drool slid out of his open mouth as he attempted to catch his breath in between the cries of pleasure. The coiling heat sensation returned in Kidd's lower stomach. He numbly tugged his restrained hand, wanting to jerk off desperately.

Next to Kidd's ear was Shanks mouth and Kidd was able to hear every noise that left the older man's mouth, turning him on even more. Likewise, mewls of pleasure that Kidd let out affected Shanks similarly. A few more thrusts found Kidd writhing, letting out a long moan, as he finally came. The cum painting Kidd's stomach a milky white. The orgasm caused spasming, his hole clenching like a vice around Shanks, who thrusted 6 more times, before cumming as well. Kidd's eyes rolled up as he fell slack in Shanks' grip.

They stayed that way for a minute, catching their breaths. Shanks remained seated inside of Kidd as he released Kidd's hand. Kidd squirmed sensitive, feeling uncomfortably full now. "Get out." He hissed, face still red.

"Shhh." Shanks quieted him, "I just need a little something." He reached for his pants, pulling out a cylindrical object.

"The fuck is that supposed to be?" Kidd demanded as Shanks looked far too gleeful. Shanks shushed him again. Pulling out of Kidd, he shoved the object inside. Kidd grunted, fumbling.

"There. That's the last of what I want you to do." Shanks said finally.

"What the hell." Kidd said shocked and pissed. He reached down.

"Tut tut." Shanks reprimanded. He pushed aside Kidd's hand. "I want my cum to stay in there until you get off the island."

"..." Kidd blinked before feeling like he just got punched in the balls, "WHAT?!"

Shanks burst out laughing, brushing aside Kidd's attempted punch aimed at his face. "Dahaha." He looked at Kidd in mock seriousness, "You lost, I got to do what I wanted, this is part of it." Before losing it, flopping onto the floor laughing, clutching his stomach, fully naked.

Kidd's face turned beet red in utter embarrassment as he left the object inside alone. He wished that he could use his devil fruit powers to impale the man with his own sword, left abandoned on the ground. 'Dammit, the fucker's right though!' He harrumphed, gathering his clothes, internally wincing when the object rubbed against his abused nerves, he could feel Shanks' cum slosh within him, unable to escape. It was a profound and lewd sensation. He grabbed a few random leaves to clean the mess on his stomach.

"Nah, allow me." Shanks said, done with his laughing fit. He swatted at the hand with the leaves, before kneeling. He proceeded to lick the cum clean from Kidd's stomach. Kidd was flustered at the motion. "There ya go." Shanks stood back up, stepping back to grab his own clothes. Kidd blinked, shaking his head, before shoving his clothes on himself quickly. He walked over to his metal arm, stalking off away from the Seastone so that he could reattach the arm with his powers.

"Let's have a next time, ne?" Shanks shouted out after him. Kidd could only offer him the middle finger, as he tried to wrap his head around how he'll be able to keep this incident under wraps away from Killer and his allies. He would never live it down if Apoo somehow got a hold of this. Bastard would end up making a song about it. He didn't even want to think about Killer's reaction. He also needed to have a very long _discussion_ with that card-reading freak of an ally he had.


	2. Doflamingo x Smoker

Pairing: Doflamingo x Smoker

Rated: M

Summary: Set after the Straw-hats leave with their new ally, Trafalgar Law, from Punk Hazard. Smoker comes to learn that Doflamingo isn't just known to be eccentric in clothing choices. Spoilers for after Fishman Island.

Warning: Non-consensual sex (With this pairing, it'll never be consensual…)

A/N: I took some liberties by writing down what happened in the anime from the Doflamingo and Smoker confrontation, besides that, everything else is of my design.

* * *

The fumes of the high quality cigars quelled his nerves as he rang up the Den- Den Mushi to make a call to Headquarters. It irritated the White Hunter that he had to discover the information the way he did. Not only was Vergo, a Vice-admiral, an undercover _pirate_ , but once _again_ the Shichibukai position was exploited. He was starting to wonder just how far the stupidity of his higher up's went. First, Crocodile, then Blackbeard, then Trafalgar Law just recently, and then there was Dofla - _Joker_ \- who's already been doing it for a decade. A decade. He honestly wanted to punch those idiots that were his higher ups.

"Purururu… Klacha." The Den- Den Mushi was answered, finally. He always hated the sounds they made, despite Tashigi's insistence it was cute.

"What is it, Vice-admiral Smoker?" The gruff tone behind the responder asked. The Den-Den Mushi's face scrunched up, a steely look in it's gaze. Tashigi had warned him that he's been annoying the Fleet Admiral, Akainu, too much recently, he frankly couldn't care less.

"I have highly important information to give you." Smoker broke down, "I'm on Punk Hazard, which was revealed to be used as a hideout for Caesar Clown, the ex-government scientist worth 300 million. He was conducting illegal experimentations on children from neighboring islands. However, what's even more concerning is the reason why those missing children reports were never reviewed. It was because there was an undercover _pirate_ in our midsts."

The Den-Den Mushi's face scowled, Akainu hated pirates as much as Smoker himself, to learn that one was undercover amongst his subordinates was probably going to stretch his patience for the following week.

"What the hell are you doing on Punk Hazard in the first place?" He demanded harshly, before sighing to himself, "Nevermind, just put that in the written report later. Who is the scum?"

"Former Vice- admiral Vergo, head of G5." Smoker replied shortly, inhaling his cigars deeply. He made sure to stress the word former.

"You took him out, I assume?" He asked, an undertone of surprise in his voice. He was still frowning, however, most likely from the high position that the pirate had. The White Hunter grit his teeth on his cigars, his brow furrowing. This was the most annoying part.

"Trafalgar Law helped." Smoker breathed the fumes, "He was on Punk Hazard for awhile, planning to capture Caesar for his own reasons. Not only that, he made an alliance with Straw-Hat Luffy, who's the reason I came here in the first place. I was told that they are going to Green Bit, the island nearby Dressrosa."

Akainu remained quiet for a few seconds mulling over the details. "I'm going to have to hold a meeting to see what should be done with Trafalgar." He concluded, "That's not it, is it?"

"Vergo was made to infiltrate by his boss, the underground broker, Joker." He added helpfully, "Not only that, but Vergo himself confirmed the identity of Joker, Donquixote Doflamingo."

The silence could have froze over hell itself, as Akainu's anger reached its boiling point. "... I see. That will also have to be discussed in the meeting."

"I say you send someone competent over to Dressrosa to clean things up with Trafalgar and Doflamingo. Now." Smoker resolved for Akainu, he was frustrated that the Fleet Admiral's first instinct was to just discuss things, instead of just abolishing the Shichibukai. Honestly, it was ridiculous. Once a pirate always a pirate.

The Den- Den Mushi glowered at him. "Doflamingo has been dancing around us for a decade, no wonder the bastard can be seen smiling all the time. It's because he had us wrapped around his finger, Akainu. I say it's high time for some justice to bite the scum. Not as if he doesn't have it coming. As for Trafalgar, he used his position to get what he wanted, he has it now. He's not going to listen to you anymore." Smoker continued, his gloved fist clenched around the speaker. The glower didn't lose its intensity, but Smoker could see the contemplation behind their hardness.

"I'll send in Issho." He said finally, understanding the merit in sending someone to Dressrosa. "I'm expecting you back for a conversation." He said darkly, angered at the show of insubordination, before hanging up. Smoker exhaled, "I look forward to it." He muttered under his breath as he hung up as well. Ringing up G5 to send them a damned ship already.

* * *

It had been not even 15 minutes of waiting after the tense call to Headquarters when Punk Hazard received another guest. The man landed in the middle of Smoker's men. The looming stature of a blonde haired man wearing a flamboyant pink feathered coat with purple framed sunglasses gave away his identity as one of the Shichibukai, Donquixote Doflamingo. Smoker nearly dropped his two cigars from shock, his eyes widened slightly before narrowing as he stared at the King of Dressrosa. The man eerily smiled at Smoker, who was seated upon a wooden crate.

'Whatever the reason of him being here, it's not going to be pleasant.' He thought to himself, mentally shuddering from the smile, seemingly frozen on the blonde's face.

The G5 marines took Doflamingo's entrance less calmly than their boss as they shouted, stepping back from the man. They froze in shock and fear, eyes wide as they fearfully looked at him.

"N-no way!"

"Y-you're…"

"D-Doflamingo!"

Doflamingo turned towards them, his smile widening in amusement from the fear radiating from Smoker's men.

"Why is he here?" One said in disbelief. With this said, it broke the smiling spell from Doflamingo as veins bulged from his forehead. His smile became less amused and more sinister, as he flung his arms out, releasing a burst of Conqueror's Haki, instantly knocking out half of Smoker's men. The White Hunter's eyes widened at the blatant attack from the Shichibukai. Attacking the marines like that is a just cause of suspension of a Shichibukai's title, not even the World Government was stupid enough to accept such behavior.

'Fine, if he wants to throw away his position, I'm more than willing.' Smoker thought as he stood up quickly.

"Where did they go, those bastards?!" Doflamingo seethed to himself out loud. His hands poised themselves to attack using his String-String devil fruit. "They left." Smoker answered curtly, assuming that he meant Trafalgar and Straw-Hat. He was agitated that Doflamingo was about to launch a more lethal attack upon his men. He walked through the snow until he stood several feet away from the King. His response halted the Heavenly Demon's attack, if only momentarily. His crew could be heard yelling "Smo-yan!" in the background. Smoker mentally rolled his eyes, 'Idiots.'

"Oh?" He answered coolly. "You wouldn't happen to know where, would you? Vice- admiral "White Hunter" Smoker." His fingers continued to twitch periodically by his sides threateningly. The lenses of his purple oddly shaped sunglasses reflected the image of Smoker, giving Smoker no view of the eyes hidden behind.

"You think they'd trust a marine with that information?" Smoker spoke up, scoffing. "Give it up, you've already dug yourself a deep enough hole… _Joker_." He said the nickname with no little amount of disdain.

The corners of Doflamingo's smile tugged down into a small frown. "You know too much." He said simply. He stood there, seemingly unsure of what approach to take on the matter.

"Too late anyways." Smoker said, not put off by the King's behavior. "Akainu is already aware of your Joker alias."

"Fufufufu… you seem to be of the opinion that that will change things." Doflamingo mocked. He seemed to relax, coming to the conclusion of doing damage control, rather than massacring everyone. Smoker remained impassive at the jab. Although he was aware that those old coots that made up the Gorosei might not even do anything, despite the knowledge that Doflamingo was the underground broker, Joker. They would need something more substantial, before the matter could be settled with properly.

Properly as in Doflamingo losing his Shichibukai Status and being nothing more than another pirate. He'll even lose his kingdom, Dressrosa.

Considering how moments ago, the King was willing to spill some blood, he figured it wouldn't take much to encourage him to actually go through with it. He wouldn't be able to slink away from attacking a Vice-admiral, unlike being an underground broker.

Smoker decided to try to incite Doflamingo into attacking him, crossing his arms in front of him, he said: "I feel that your people wouldn't approve of it, is what I'm of the opinion of." Doflamingo's index finger twitched. He inhaled from his cigars before continuing, "I wonder how they'd react to news that their King is behind a massive system of slavery, weaponry selling to incite wars, drugs… among other unsavory things."

He didn't need to push anymore, as Doflamingo was raring to to go once more. With his fingers shaped as claws, he slashed the air in front of him, sending his invisible strings to strike Smoker. The marine lost shape as he activated his devil fruit to transform into smoke. He billowed past the man, reforming a further distance behind the him, having been able to dodge the strings in time. Doflamingo was quick the accommodate the change in position, spinning on his heel. His coat fluttered out as his fingers swiped the air, strings twanging as they barreled towards Smoker.

* * *

"Beat his ass down, Smo- yan!"

"Teach him a lesson for messing with G5!" His men cheered.

Smoker, ignoring his idiotic subordinates, ducked down low, satisfied to see that he was able to dodge the strings that he couldn't even see. He bite back those words as Doflamingo twisted his other arm, swiping the arm with a clawed hand. This time the strings hit directly, cleanly cutting into Smoker's exposed chest. His men shouted out in alarm. He grunted out his pain, before turning into his intangible smoke form. He retreated.

"You're definitely going to lose your Shichibukai status after this, Doflamingo!" They cried out enraged.

Doflamingo observed the men behind him, tilting his head over his shoulder, with amusement. "A noisy bunch you got there, eh? Fufu… I can understand Vergo's reports now." He turned back his head to Smoker, who was kneeling on one knee, his hand holding firm against one of the cuts. "I underestimated Law thinking that he'd be no match against Vergo…" He stared at Smoker, who glared back fiercely. "I paid the price for that…" He frowned, clearly upset. "I'm done with dealing with nobodies who look down on me." He said lowly, only loud enough that Smoker could hear him. His frown lifted up into a vicious smile, he walked forward deliberately.

"Since Law and Straw-Hat are clearly no longer here..." Smoker stood up quickly, his fists covered in Armament Haki, prepared to fight. "I'll settle with you, although to be honest, it's a bit uncalled for…" Doflamingo leered at him, "Don't worry, I won't kill you. It's high time you learn your place though."

Smoker decided then and there that the day he learned his "lesson" from a pirate would be the day that Tashigi started remembering to wear her glasses without assistance, it was more unlikely than even pigs flying.

He threw forward his fist covered in Haki towards Doflamingo's jaw, silently hoping to get rid of that ridiculous smile the Shichibukai wore all the time. With lightening fast reflexes, the blonde caught the white haired man's wrist, his large hand engulfing the comparatively small wrist. His smile went even wider. Smoker fell down, bracing himself on his unrestrained hand as he swept his feet at Doflamingo's legs, attempting to trip him. It was unsuccessful as Doflamingo jumped up, avoiding the marine's sweeping foot. Gripping the wrist in his grasp, he pulled him up off the ground, proceeding to slam him harshly back down. Smoker grunted from the force, snow sent flying around him.

Landing on Smoker's stomach and fresh wounds, Doflamingo grabbed the other wrist, pinning them together above the man's head. Smoker flinched as the blonde settled his weight upon his wounds. Gasps could be heard behind the two. "You bastard! Get off Smo-yan!" They shouted. The King smiled, unruffled as he spoke down to Smoker as if he was commenting on the weather, "A bit _too_ noisy."

The sounds of guns cocking and swords being unsheathed could be heard. "You idiots! Stand down! You won't stand a chance against him!" Smoker shouted, face stern as he looked past Doflamingo at his men. His men hesitated at the tone Smoker was using on them.

"Fufufufufu." Doflamingo chuckled. "Don't worry, I'm just punishing your commander." He said nonchalantly.

Smoker turned his attention on the man lying on top of him as if he was a chair, he grit his teeth disappointed that somewhere in the scuffle he lost his cigars, offering his deadliest glare, his lips pulled into a tight frown.

The only thing that Doflamingo's "reassurance" did was inflame the fire within his men.

"You pink asshole!"

"Get off Smo-yan! You overgrown Flamingo!"

"Don't look down on us!"

They ran, weapons ablazing, fully intent on murdering Doflamingo. "Stop! You idiots!" Smoker shouted, desperate to prevent them from getting harmed. They may be idiots but they were loyal ones that had wormed their way into Smoker's life. He'd be damned if they got hurt by the now most definitely former Shichibukai. If he had been looking at Doflamingo's face instead of his rapidly approaching men, he would have noticed how the insults had wiped the smile from his face, taking it's place a fierce scowl, veins bulging on his forehead.

"You all... " He said lowly, his voice heavy with anger, "Shut up." A blast of Conqueror's Haki exploded, reaching Smoker's men, knocking them out in one fell swoop. Smoker's eyes widened at the display of power, fear for his men quelled as they were merely just knocked out. For a man like Doflamingo, it was a huge mercy. He spared one more second staring at his men, before looking up at blonde restraining him. They were the last two conscious.

* * *

"Now… what to do with you?" Doflamingo said amused. The tone of his voice did not match with his face that was still frowning. Smoker tested the grip on his wrists, annoyed to notice that he wouldn't be escaping anytime soon, since not only was the grip itself tight, but Doflamingo was using his Haki to prevent him from turning them intangible. Not only that but the pain of Doflamingo sitting on his wounds was enough to break any concentration needed to utilize his devil fruit.

Smoker hissed in pain as Doflamingo, seeming to have thought up a punishment, leaned over him, agitating his wounds. His face was a scant few inches above the marine's chest. The King's lips quirked upwards, as if saying get ready. A long pink tongue slipped between his plump pale lips, dipping into one of the lacerations. The action itself was full of sexual intent and Smoker's jaw unhinged as his face lost color in realization.

Doflamingo continued, his sunglasses giving nothing away as they observed the white haired man's reactions, the wet muscle trailed down, lapping away at the spilled blood. It was frightening, how gentle the blonde was being. Smoker shuddered and it wasn't because of the weather. Given the situation he was in, he didn't even feel the cold anymore. It was because he was being raped. Well, about to be, _this_ hardly counted.

"How typical of a pirate." Smoker said, eyes narrowed. Doflamingo smirked, his tongue leaving a wet trail of saliva as it coasted Smoker's muscled abdomen, targeting the next wound to lick clean of blood.

"A pirate would be a lot more merciless, you know." He said amused, retreating to lick stray blood from his lower lip, "Rape from a pirate… that it is nothing more than the scum taking advantage of someone for their own pleasure, nothing but pain is given to the victim… is probably how you view it." He chuckled, "That's exactly why you'll get nothing but pleasure out of this." Smoker's eyebrows flew upwards. "What?" He muttered out loud, confused and surprised.

"Fufufu." Doflamingo leaned back, his spare hand searching for something in his feathered coat. "You see, humans can be rather unadaptable when presented with something that just should _not be_. You goody-two shoes marines… you expect nothing but the worst out of a pirate like myself. Admit it, you're expecting this to hurt, because a pirate is the one behind the strings." He paused, amused at his own word choice. "It'd be easier on you if I delivered according to your beliefs, giving you nothing but pain, however, my goal is punishment. I'm not looking for a bedmate, for if I was it'd be one of my servant women back home who'd freely offer themselves up."

Smoker scowled, he didn't need to know that. Doflamingo pulled out his hand, revealing a pair of handcuffs, that Smoker was betting on being Seastone. "Basically," He continued, bringing the handcuffs to clip around Smoker's wrists. "What I'm trying to say is that if you feel only pleasure, if I force you to enjoy yourself… then you probably won't know how to cope with it. At least, it'd go better than if you felt only pain... you won't be able to say it was inevitable, say to yourself it could only be expected since it was a pirate. Besides… I'm certain you have a high enough pain tolerance being the good Vice-admiral you are, but I doubt you have any tolerance for pleasure." He finished speaking.

A clinching noise was heard as Doflamingo snapped the cuffs around Smoker's wrists, the marine breathed deeply through his nose as he felt the weakening sensation of the Seastone hit him. This wasn't going to go well, Smoker thought to himself, he hasn't had any for a while, so annoyingly enough, the pirate hit the nail on the head, he wasn't going to go through this _punishment_ well. Although, he does have quite the insensitive body, years of fighting tends to do that to a body, so he could only hope that would aid him.

He was completely and utterly wrong.

When Doflamingo's hand went to the pale pink nubs hardened from exposure to the cold, Smoker couldn't help but believe it to be a uselessly gesture. It was when the pirate twisted and pulled at the nipples with such sharp, precise, flicks of the wrists that Smoker thought to himself was utterly _screwed_. Not expecting the sharp but gentle indescribable sensation, not quite painful but not quite pleasurable either, Smoker threw his head back, feeling the biting cold of the snow underneath him. A tiny gasp fell through the marine's lips.

"W-what the fuck?!" Smoker spluttered out.

"Why do you think I'm popular with the ladies?" The King asked rhetorically. He was much too amused by the situation.

Smoker blushed, his cheeks turning pink at the insinuation. He really did _not_ want to know the Shichibukai's sex life. The blonde leaned back in, tongue flickering out to lap up the drying blood off Smoker's chest, his fingers continued to tease the nubs. Flustered at the fact that he was feeling tiny sparks of pleasure coursing through him at such an early stage, Smoker tried to push the taller man off with his cuffed wrists. It ended in failure when Smoker strained his arms against an invisible force.

Smoker gave pause with a feeling of dread. Doflamingo chuckling under his breath, unfazed as he continued licking Smoker's chest clean, confirmed his suspicions. Damned bastard pinned down the handcuffs with those strings of his. Undeterred, Smoker simply went for kneeing the bastard in the groin instead. Only for it to prove unsuccessful as well. Doflamingo reacted the instant Smoker's knee went up a fraction of an inch, quickly understanding what Smoker was aiming for. The long legs of the tall man slid out behind him, his knees digging into Smoker's thighs as his feet landed on the snow in the space inbetween the marine's legs.

Smoker could just feel the smile that the bastard held now that he truly was helpless to resist against the unwanted advances. He grit his teeth in anger and frustration. The blonde finally finished with cleaning the blood off of him, blood that was there because of him in the first place. Smacking his lips free of blood, he gave a harsh pinch to Smoker's left nub, causing Smoker to bite his lip to prevent any embarrassing sounds from escaping.

That seemed to displease the blonde as he retaliated by bringing his mouth to Smoker's right nipple, latching the nub between his teeth mercilessly. Smoker stifled a cry of pain, taken aback by how easily Doflamingo had him reacting to his touches. The blonde rolled the nub between his teeth, tugging lightly before lathering it with a thin coating of saliva. His hand tweaked and rolled the other. His spare hand lightly clawed it's way down Smoker's stomach, leaving the muscles quivering under his fingers. When his hand found the edge of his pants, Smoker snapped himself out of it, mentally beating himself up for letting it get that far.

"Get off." He said as gruffly as he could manage considering the things that Doflamingo was doing to him. The blonde paused in his administrations, surprised and amused; surprised at how Smoker was able to resist the pleasure if only for a moment, but also amused that the man seemed to think ordering him around would work. He's had plenty of bed partners that stopped being able to think straight at the point they were at, then again those people didn't have much Haki and were much more willing than Smoker.

"I don't think so." The hand unbuckled the belt. Smoker opened his mouth to retort, but was silenced when Doflamingo smashed his lips against his own. The taste of blood, his own blood, overwhelmed his tastebuds as the King swirled his tongue inside of the marine's mouth gently but forcefully. Another taste was soon detected by Smoker, something reminiscent of a sweet fruity cocktail. Doflamingo stopped his abuse of Smoker's pink hardened nubs, favoring on tugging the white colored strands. Smoker let out a curse that was muffled by the forced kiss as his head was tilted back at an uncomfortable angle, leaving him unable to move his head away. For Doflamingo, all he could taste was high quality cigars and a rich favor of something meaty.

'Is that...beef jerky?' He thought to himself, identifying the taste. A laugh rumbled in the tall man's chest at the thought of a scowling Smoker playing tug of war with a strip of beef jerky. His tongue explored the wet cavern, actually finding himself enjoying the taste. He'll ask to ask which beef jerky brand Smoker ate, he would like to get some for himself. One of his hands knotted itself into the surprisingly soft strands of Smoker's hair, while the other worked on freeing Smoker from his pants, although he didn't want them off. Another thought that made Doflamingo's chest rumble with laughter. The pants were unbuttoned and unzipped now. All he had to do was reach into the boxers.

Smoker let out another muffled curse as the man above him abruptly wrapped his hand around his length. The hand tightened just enough that anymore would have been painful, the way it was, however, only provided delicious friction as the large hand slid up and down. Smoker let out a wrecked moan that was muffled by the King's lips. His face flushed into a darker pink, bordering on red, as he closed his eyes, unable to stare at the reflection of his lusty eyes that Doflamingo's sunglasses provided. Whenever the hand reached the tip of Smoker's length, Doflamingo would flick his wrist so that his thumb grazed the slit unfailingly each time.

It drove Smoker mad. The fucker sure knew how to use his hands.

A pitiful whine left Smoker's lips, the noise vibrating Doflamingo's lips locked upon his own. The noise seemed to have gone unnoticed by the marine himself, so lost to the sensations that the hand gave him, but not to hand's owner. Doflamingo lifted his head up from the kiss. It certainly surprised the blonde that he actually managed to get the marine to this point, but he masked it well, as his smile transformed into a seductive leer. He released the hair he was gripping and instead opted to slide himself down on the legs of the marine, his hand unfalteringly still giving the man below him pleasure. Pushing aside the longs longs, he settled in. He tugged the pants and boxers off, giving a sharp flick of his wrist to distract the man from what he was doing.

Doflamingo knew what he was doing; he was perfectly aware that just about anybody could come undone beneath his talented fingers. He isn't surprised that he is more than competent in giving handjobs; that just happens to be a bonus when your devil fruit powers rely on your hands the way they do for him. He's a puppeteer, there's nothing he can't manipulate with his hands.

He brought the hand he wasn't using to jack Smoker off to his mouth, licking the digits wet with saliva in preparation for what was to come. The marine looked delicious, the way how his eyes were tightly closed, the scar crinkling with the effort, his teeth biting down on his lower lip to prevent noises from escaping, his arms tugging restlessly at their bonds, his head shifting side to side as if he was trying to shake the pleasure off. He shivered every once in a while. The length in his hand was dripping precum and its tip was cherry red.

It was quite the sight. He wondered how the marine would take this afterwards, he would probably blame himself for enjoying it. The prospect of that greatly pleased the sadistic man. Removing his wet fingers, he placed them on Smoker's ball sack, tracing them downwards to its target.

Smoker's breath hitched in his throat when he felt the fingers trailing close to his exit. Like hell that was an _entrance_. He wanted to yell at Doflamingo, no Joker, he reminded himself, to fuck off already, but he wasn't naive enough to think that he'd actually manage it. They only thing that he'd let out are embarrassing noises. He wanted to tense up to make Joker aware that this was the _last_ thing he wanted, but he couldn't quite manage that either, as the hand jerking his length made doing anything impossible, just thinking was hard enough.

'Fuck.' He thought as he sourly resigned himself to the underground broker. The man was right about this being something that a _pirate_ wouldn't do, but the man seems to have forgotten that he's also an _underground broker_ , and to be honest, people like _that_ would do something as degrading as this.

One slender finger prodded at the twitching hole, before diving in quickly. Smoker choked out a cry of pleasure as the finger instantly hit something within him. 'How the fuck does he do shit like that?!' He thought in alarm and frustration.

"Ah, found it." Joker said under his breath, amusement tinting his voice, as he watched as Smoker started outright writhing in place, unable to take the stimulation happening outside and inside at the same time. The Shichibukai thought to himself in amused arrogance, 'Damn, I really am too good in bed.'

"Fufufufu." He laughed to himself as Smoker actually lifted his hips up, trying to follow his finger. He inserted another, captivated as Smoker's face flushed red, his hips jutting out. He added a third. This nearly forced out a moan from the white haired man. Then a fourth one.

"Ngh AH!" Smoker finally gave in, mewling out his pleasure. He thrusted his hips with reckless abandon, seeking his climax. The Broker allowed him. With another moan escaping from his lips, a stream of white liquid bursted from his cock, splattering his stomach and chin. He froze in place with is hips locked in the air, before bonelessly collapsing, his pants harsh. The blonde removed his fingers, hand still pumping the length in his hand, as he scooped up some of the liquid in his palm.

He experimentally licked at it, before mentally shrugging, noiselessly slurping up the remainder from his hand. His hand stopped playing with the now limp length, letting it flop onto the marine's stomach, who was still regaining his breath. He grinned down at him wiping his hands in the snow as he grabbed the discarded clothes of the marine. Bending down, he dressed the man back up, before scooping up some of the snow surrounding them, using it to wipe Smoker's chest clean of the creamy white liquid.

The White Hunter shuddered at the cold on his chest, cracking open an eyelid he saw that Joker thought that snow would make for a good method of cleaning. He held back his scoff, as he opted on regaining his breath first. He was confused though, why bother dressing him back up? Was he not going to…?

...

Oh, right his previous words about if he wanted pleasure than he would resort to using one of his whores, not him. His eyes cracked open, staring at Joker who just finished wiping the cum off.

"You…" Was all he could say. That was what Joker was going on about, a pirate- a broker- would have entered him with something much bigger than mere fingers, but he hadn't, he had literally just did all that to insure nothing but pleasure for him, and the fact that he hadn't used his own… length, when he could have, was the teeth of the punishment. It was a mercy that wasn't quite one either. It was what Smoker figured was going to happen, but it didn't, and even against his better judgement he couldn't help but be startled by it. This was something that would never stop haunting him.

'... I...fell right for it.' Was all he could think as he wordlessly allowed the blonde to unshackle him.

"Fufufufu, don't tell me that's disappointment I'm seeing there." He said. Smoker bristled, regaining his senses at last.

"You can be certain to say goodbye to your Shichibukai status and your kingdom while you're at it." He snarked.

Joker stood up to his full height, "Don't worry, I merely didn't because you wouldn't have been able to handle it." He jabbed, completely ignoring what Smoker had threatened.

Smoker hissed as the wounds on his chest and the.. soreness below made sitting up a struggle. He scowled fiercely at the man.

"You sound like you'd fuck yourself if you could." He said offhandedly. There was a pause and if he could see his eyes, Joker would be blinking slowly.

"...Actually…" He started, his voice contemplative.

Smoker's eyes widened before narrowing angrily, "Piss off!" Officially ending the conversation. Like hell he needed a mental image of that!

...

End

* * *

A/N: Whoa, that was a bit on the difficult side. Hopefully it was sexy, I think I may have subtracted from it with the prologue and time it took to get there… But at the same time, I'm proud. I'm certain that I made them be as in- character as one could manage. Internet cookie for whoever understood the reference I was making with the beef jerky, although it is a bit on the vague side.

Also, I think it is possible for Doffy to have sex with himself what with the string clones and whatnot… Ahem.. I regret nothing though! xD


	3. Shanks x Law

Pairing: Shanks x Law

Rating: M

Summary: In the aftermath of the War of The Best, instead of asking Buggy to make sure Luffy gets back the hat, Shanks himself sees to it. Spoilers for the Marineford War and post-arc.

Warning: Attempts at humor (I'm not sure if I succeeded, it might be lethal if I failed, though, xD) Food sex, and also swearing. (I luv swear words! :D) Also, an odd combination of kinks. (Totally the result of humor)

Special Honors: Requested by dancingjadedragon (Thanks for being an awesome fan!)

* * *

"It really has been a while, hasn't it, Buggy?" Shanks said, undisturbed by his old friend's apparent anger with him. The blue haired male went into a frenzy of insults, not liking Shank's uncaring attitude. He _had_ meant it, it was just that he was more concerned over something else.

The situation with Blackbeard was worrying, that man was now the only one in the world to carry two devil fruit powers and had amassed a troubling crew from Impel Down.

His hand fiddled with the worn straw of the promised hat as his coal black eyes searched around the destruction. He was sorrowful that he hadn't managed to get to Marineford before Ace's death, he failed his captain, he failed Luffy. He wished he had realized just whose son it was when the boy sought him out years ago; Ace held only contempt towards Roger, the least Shanks could have done was remedy that. Now it was too late.

The red-haired man sighed under his breath, clutching the straw hat in his only hand.

"Gah, I hate you! Shanks!" Buggy exclaimed, confusing Shanks' sigh as one of annoyance. The Yonko couldn't help but chuckle under his breath, "You hadn't changed at all, Buggy." His tone was reminiscing. Buggy halted his insults, as he in turn stared at him in confusion.

Shanks, seeing the location of a certain rubber kid, started walking away briskly. "Ask Benn to take you away on the ship! Tell him I had something to do!" He called out to Buggy behind him. The blue haired male clutched at his long locks, as he threw a hissy fit, "I'm not done! SHANKS!" The escaped Impel Down prisoners could be heard by Shanks praising his old friend. If Blackbeard amassed a crew, then Buggy amassed an armada. It was impressive, really.

* * *

"Captain! Captain! Close the door already! We can't submerge like this!" A white furred bear wearing an orange jumper, whined insistently. His fists thrown up in the air uselessly. A dark haired man, with a nodachi resting on his shoulder, titled his head from Marineford to acknowledge his first mate's demands.

The tall man was tense as he stared out to the battle wrecked island of the Navy Headquarters, 'That man is there… This is the closest I've been to him in just over a decade… Doflamingo...' He thought to himself, 'But not today, I'm not strong enough yet.' He resigned himself to looking away. "Alright." He conceded with the bear. He tightened his hold on his nodachi as he walked past the door-frame.

"Ah, It wouldn't be a bother to let me on-board, now, would it?" The voice of a stranger called out from behind the captain. The bear yelped, paw releasing the door's handle. Shocked at the intruder, the dark-haired male spun on his heel, nodachi held out in front of him as his hand wrapped around the hilt. His first mate beside him posed into his martial arts form, heeding his Captain's defensive actions. Nothing could have prepared them for the sight of a red-haired Yonko standing on the deck of his submarine, hand, holding a hat, held up in a disarming manner.

"Hey, now." He laughed, "I mean no harm, I'm here for Luffy." He lowered his hand, glancing at the hat held in his grasp, "I just want to return something." His voice lost it's amusement, turning serious. He locked eyes with the younger man's own steel eyes, the Yonko's coal eyes burning with some unidentifiable emotion.

Unintentionally, the nodachi was lowered, as the younger man could sense no ill intent. The white furred bear dropped his stance completely, "Captain," He muttered, "We don't have time." Understanding that he had no time to be picky about things, the captain uncomfortably settled down.

He let go of the hilt of his nodachi, returning it to rest upon his shoulder, as he shifted his head indicating to the one-armed man to follow. He saw the Yonko giving a bright, if slightly stressed smile from the corner of his eye, before taking long strides to meet up the submarine's captain. The first mate shut the door behind them and no more than 6 seconds later the ship was completely submerged by the liquid darkness.

* * *

The harsh white lights inside allowed no shadows, causing Shanks to blink several times at the brightness. 'This would be a horrible ship to get drunk on.' He thought to himself.

"Bepo." The dark-haired male addressed the bear, "Set up the surgery room with Shachi and Penguin. Prevent any further blood loss." The bear, now named Bepo, nodded to the man before scampering off down the long winding halls.

"Surgery?" Shanks asked, his voice threatening to crack from the overwhelming concern he felt for Luffy. The dark-haired male nodded still walking down the hall. "Yes, he received quite the wound from Akainu." He looked over to the Yonko, the brim of his spotted hat hid his gray colored eyes. "I will be personally overlooking the operation, so you have little to worry, Red-ya." He looked back in front of him. Shanks would have blinked at the odd choice of a nickname, if he wasn't busy questioning how the man being the one in charge was supposed to reassure him.

"Er, who are you?" He asked, unabashed at his show of ignorance. The man practically stumbled on his own feet, before hastily catching himself. He seemed to be grudgingly surprised, as if wondering why the hell the Yonko would come upon a ship of someone he had no idea of, but upset to admit to himself that it wouldn't matter since he couldn't poise a threat anyways. He sighed in defeat, "My name is Trafa-" He started before he was cut off.

"Ah, sorry. My name is Shanks. I'm 37 years old, my birthday is March 9th." The Yonko said before the brunette could finish. He mentally patted himself on the back for the good introduction; he needs to thank Crocus for teaching him his manners. The younger man twitched with barely suppressed annoyance.

"Yes, I know who you are, Red-ya." He rolled his shoulders, "My name is Trafalgar Law, pleasure to make your acquaintance." He wasn't serious about that, but he really doubted the Yonko would take kindly to such words. Just like how the man wouldn't take kindly to him telling him off with a certain finger and a few selective curse words.

He stopped in front a double set door made of metal, "I'm going to have to ask you to wait in the dining area during the surgery…" He pushed it open with the hilt of his nodachi, revealing a generous sized room with tables and chairs. "Feel free to ask Casquette to cook for you." He walked off briskly, not waiting for a reply.

Shanks stared at where Law had walked off, before entering the dining area, noting dismally that there was no Casquette fellow around. Shame, a bottle of Sake would be nice right about now. Knowing how long surgeries could take, the Yonko settled unto one of the numerous wooden chairs. He gently placed the straw hat unto the table's surface, smiling fondly at the memories they brought up. Seconds later, he crossed his legs, moving his hand to mess up his crimson locks. He stilled, before his foot started to tap a rhythm, the noise vibrating on the metal floor. 'This is going to be a long wait,' he thought to himself.

* * *

'This is going to be a long two hours.' Law thought to himself, as he heard the insistent tapping from above the room. Law spared a glance at Bepo who seemed to be heating up horribly from his position as tool handler before returning his gray eyes upon the extensively damaged organs inside of Straw-hat-ya. He rarely had the opportunity to heal devil fruit users, and he was internally upset that this particular opportunity was laid to ruin by the presence of the Red-haired Yonko, whom speaking of, was still tapping away. His eyebrow twitched.

Undeterred, Law continued his work upon the slightly burned organs, reveling in the rubber texture of the rookie pirate on his table. This was fascinating, just what kind of procedure could he use? There were so many to choose from… so utterly captivating…. This was a huge pile of bullshit. His eyebrow twitched as a huge noise sounded from above the ceiling, the Surgeon of Death scowled under his face mask as the abrupt noise nearly caused him to cut a major artery with his scalpel.

His crew-mates paused for a fraction of a second before going back to work not wanting to direct their captain's ire upon themselves. "Bepo, get note 6." He said slowly, a subtle hint of mania in his voice leaving no room for arguments. Off to the side, Bepo could see Shachi trembling in fear, probably in sympathy. Bepo gulped before heeding the order given to him, pulling open a drawer filled to the brim with small pieces of papers. If he could, he'd be sweating bullets by now. He scavenged, his dark beady eyes scanning for the correct note.

His captain had personally saw to it to have written notes speaking of horrible things to instantly silence any rowdy crew-mate that got carried away while he was experimenting or performing surgeries. If there was one thing the man couldn't stand, it was noise whilst he was busy with one of his medical fantasies. Bepo remembered note 6 to be one of the more colorful, imaginative and downright brutal notes that his captain stashed away.

"Ahah!" He pulled out the desired note, the piece of paper looked longer than it should, but he was nervous so it was probably just his imagination, he turned to Law, whose back was turned to him, "I got it Captain." The words barely left his mouth before the note disappeared from his hand, "Room." The man uttered, before focusing his attention back to the boy on his table.

* * *

Shanks had been humming to himself Bink's Sake, tapping his foot as he leant back on the chair's back legs. Now that he was left to his own devices, he could have sworn remembering hearing the name Trafalgar Law before. Perhaps it had been from Benn warning him about the brunette? What had Benn said anyways? He couldn't quite remember, he was hungover at that time. Ah, jeez, how come Benn always told him important things when he was hungover? He could imagine Benn's response to that.

'That's because you're hungover all the time. When's the last time you _weren't_?' Benn would snark, bemusedly.

Shanks rolled his eyes before muttering out loud the name of the submarine's captain. "Trafalgar Law… Trafalgar Law… Damn, that's a mouthful...Trafalgar...Law...The Surgeon… of Death." Silence overtook the room, before Shanks flipped out with panic and worry, "What?!" He screamed under his breath. In his burst of adrenaline, he lost balance over his chair as he tipped over coming onto his back with a loud crash. He ungracefully spluttered, limbs flailing out as he speedily reorganized himself.

Collecting himself he stood up from the debris of what used to be a chair, ignoring the mess he went to grab the hat from the table. He needed to save Luffy! What kind of man did he just allow to perform surgery on Anchor?! Luffy is going to get killed! His panic came to a pause as he saw a slip of paper lying innocently on top of the hat, that was not there a few seconds ago. Curious, he picked it up, opening the folded paper to reveal words written in a legible and neat font. He read it.

Shanks eyes widened, his mouth falling to the floor, a furious blush overtaking the bridge of his nose and cheeks, "WHAT?!" He screamed.

* * *

Below, Law could be seen smirking darkly underneath the face mask, having heard the shout from the Yonko above, as he utilized his devil fruit powers to make the operation go more smoothly. He'd be completely exhausted afterwards, but there was no threat nearby, so he was free to waste away his strength like this.

"That got him to shut up." He said satisfactorily to his crew-mates. Looks like not even a Yonko was immune to death threats concocted from the Surgeon of Death. Note 6, he remembers, had been a detailed description of the venom of the Funnel-web Spider and the symptoms and how he had access to it if need be. Shachi laughed awkwardly from his place, working on healing the damage Strawhat-ya had on his stomach. Thinking nothing of it, the captain continued working on the beating organ in front of him.

* * *

Hours later found Shanks standing awkwardly in the captain's room with the required material. He was not one to shirk responsibilities and by the sound of it he had nearly cost Luffy's life with the ruckus he had caused in his impatience. Besides, it's not as if the brunette was ugly or anything, in fact he looked like a good lay, he was just shocked at the audacity of the younger man, blatantly demanding something like that so crassly. Not only that, but with such a demand, one would expect to find themselves on the receiving end, but that would not be the case.

Maybe the man just wanted to make sure he would get what he wanted and acted the way he did to do so? Mentally shrugging, Shanks slid off his clothes, kicking them into the corner. He looked around the yellow, black, and grey themed room, sparing the objects resting on the bed requested by the note a glance.

* * *

Hours later, Strawhat-ya's condition was finally stabilized. The boy was wrapped with white gauze, a breathing aid mask placed on, since he still had trouble getting oxygen. Law threw out his face mask and gloves, closing the door behind him. That was exhausting, he might actually sleep tonight. He looked at his crew-mates, frowning as Shachi hurriedly pulled Bepo away with him leaving Law with Penguin and Casquette.

"Casquette, go prepare food for Red-ya. Hopefully, he stayed in the dining area. Penguin keep watch on Straw-hat-ya's condition. Goodnight." He dismissed them with final orders of the day. He walked to his room tiredly.

* * *

"What are you doing, Shachi?" Bepo demanded. "You can't keep pushing your first mate like this."

The redhead came to a sudden stop, turning around to face Bepo. His voice was panicked, and if Bepo could see his eyes from under his cap, they would probably be wide.

"We're dead!" He whispered to Bepo, "Captain is so going to kill us!"

"What?" Bepo asked confused, they hadn't done anything to piss off the Captain recently as far as he knew. Certain that if they were in trouble, it was all his fault he apologized to the panicked man, "Sorry."

"Gah! This isn't the time, Bepo!" The man said frustrated, "We need to find Red-haired before he can do anything!"

Now the polar bear was just confused, "What? Sorry, I don't understand." The cap wearing pervert grabbed Bepo's furry arms, "The note!" He hissed, "I replaced note 6 with a prank note!"

Bepo's eyes widened in horror, "You... " His voice deepened with his shock. He pushed Shachi's hands from his arms, gripping the man's shoulders tightly. "What... did... you replace it with?" He asked deadly. The man actually blushed, "Er, well… you see." He began.

* * *

When Law walked into his room expecting to be able to sleep and saw a Yonko, a very much naked one to boot, standing there instead, he was left completely flabbergasted for lack of any better words. Struggling to keep his eyes up, the man was rather.. gifted, all he managed to get out was, "I… you… what the… _what_?" He said intelligently.

The man smirked, "Roleplay, huh?" He said as he approached the speechless rookie pirate. Law's gifted mind was scrambling with the situation, his hand searching for the handle behind him. "What the fuck?" He said out loud, mouth ajar. This wasn't happening. This was _not_ happening to him right now. If he could he'd slice the man to pieces with his powers, but he had exhausted himself with the surgery already. His precious nodachi had been left behind in the surgery room and in his fatigue he failed to recall bringing it with him.

The presence of a naked Yonko gaining ground on him woke him up very quickly. Cursing himself internally, he hastily opened the door behind him. There was no way he stood a chance against the man, even at full power that was pushing it. This was most likely the Yonko's response to his note, the brunette just had no idea how right yet wrong he was.

His attempt at opening the door failed when the Yonko loomed over him, casually blocking the steel door with an outreaching foot. If he had been a lesser man he would have laughed nervously or shrunk in on himself, but the way Law was built didn't allow for such a humiliating countenance. He still planted his back against the cold steel of the door, however, a shiver running down his spine. The way the redhead's eyes smoldered staring into his own was breathtaking and that scar added quite the mystery. From a medical standpoint, he was interested in the story behind that. The Yonko leaned in closer and Law found himself actually wanting to kiss the plump lips.

'Fuck it', he decided, it had been far too long since he got laid, if the man was going to present himself like that, he wasn't going to deny, but he wasn't going to make it easy, either.

"What do you think you're doing, Red-ya?" He said huskily, his lip tugging into a smirk. He was about to lean in to whisper more into the ear of the naked man, but was forced to stop when something was shoved into his mouth. Surprised, he clamped his teeth upon the smooth surface of the object, startled when it let out a squeak. His eyes widened, before narrowing in anger, his tongue identifying the material as rubber.

'Did he really just put a rubber ducky in my mouth?!' He thought. He was about to spit it out before the Yonko covered his mouth with a bandanna, pulling his head forward by his chin, before tying it surprisingly well behind his head with one hand. Angered, Law brought up his hands to the Yonko's chest, reaching up to untie the bandanna. He shoved at the naked chest with no success as the man merely grabbed his wandering hand before flinging Law back into the room.

He bit into the duck in his horrified shock as he landed upon the soft mattress of his bed, bouncing several times on the springy surface. An annoying squeak sound escaped from the duck entrapped within the Surgeon of Death's mouth. 'Oh, _hell_ no.' He thought. He did not want anything to do with this anymore. What the hell kind of man did it take to have a fetish for rubber duckies?!

Unknown to the rookie captain, the Yonko was wondering the same exact thing. The difference, however, was that Shanks had more patience with dealing with the odd fetish or two. He had to admit though, it was hilarious.

Law, not finding the situation as amusing, once again reached up to the makeshift gag. Within an instant, he found a weight settle itself over his stomach and a hand reaching up to one of his wrists, before dragging it along towards his other wrist. Eyes widening, Law moved his hand just out of reach from the man's reach, tugging his captured wrist in the opposite direction in an effort to keep one hand to himself at least. The man above him huffed out a laugh, his foot reaching out to his freed hand. In a brilliant display of flexibility and fine motor control, Shanks pinned the squirming hand down with his foot.

'Holy… Red-ya certainly knows how to compensate for his missing arm.' Law thought incredulous. He remained incredulous as he was forced to acknowledge that the Yonko above him could and would move the trapped hand towards his other hand. With both wrists caught in his grip, Shanks moved them towards the bedpost. Law scowled. At this point, Law could just taste the defeat. It tastes like rubber, like a rubber ducky. He went limp as he felt rope tie around his wrists keeping them securely above his head.

'I _never_ bottom.' He thought darkly. He stared at the older man above him through lidded eyes, silently waiting for any future move. He made a point to keep eye contact with the coal eyes, refusing to let his eyes roam the naked body straddling him. Annoyingly enough, he found his previous desire to kiss the lips re-arising. Dammit, he just wanted to _touch_ the man, kiss that tanned skin that was slightly lighter than his own. He really had gone too long without. He just wished that the man didn't have such absurd kinks. He was never going to get over the rubber ducky gag fetish. Ever.

Shanks watched the lidded steel colored eyes become clouded with desire, it seems the man did have a fetish for rubber ducky gags and being restrained, well, what do you know. He would have never guessed. That normally would have weirded him out, the rubber ducky gag part, but Traffy was really attractive, so he took it all in stride. Besides, this was his _punishment_. He lifted up the yellow hoodie printed with the rookie's Jolly Roger, the torso of the younger arching off the bed to aid him slide the hoodie up to bunch up around his wrists.

Oh, good. He was tiring of the roleplay. Although, Law had a thing or two to say about that actually being roleplay. Sure, it makes for good foreplay, but he wasn't much for teasing. He sat back to openly stare at the tattoos adorning the chest. A heart? Ah, right, Captain of the Heart Pirates. Mischievously deciding that it was unfair to be the only one naked, his hand went to unbutton and unzip the spotted jeans of the Surgeon of Death. The half-hard cock of the younger man sprung free from the jeans and boxers when Shanks slid them down enough. The long slender legs of the rookie captain kicked off the pants and boxers bunching up at his ankles unashamedly.

He looked appreciatively over the slim, but muscled, figure beneath him. The tan skin, darker than his own sun-kissed flesh, was covered in a thin sheen of sweat. But what really got Shanks excited was the lustful lidded gray eyes of the dark haired male, his hard cock twitched at the sight. Breaking eye contact, he looked over to his last object that was requested. Now this one was even weirder than the rubber ducky and that's saying something.

Bringing the object within the other male's line of sight, he watched as Law's eyes widened, recovering from his lust filled haze. A snarl, that probably would have been impressive had it not been for the squeak from the duck within his mouth, ripped through the air. His eyes narrowed disdainfully at the object. A loaf of bread. It was one of the few that Shanks managed to find on the ship, obviously someone wasn't a big fan of it on this submarine, must be one of Law's crewmates. Shanks was confused over why a loaf of bread, a thin baguette to be precise, would be requested by anyone for a scenario such as this.

Maybe it was energizing food? Law was a doctor after all, maybe he wanted to make sure Shanks had the energy to fully satiate him in bed? Shanks remembered Benn saying that bread was full of carbs, which was good if one wanted to maintain high levels of energy. That was certainly a strange request if that was the case, but not an overbearing one. He was about to bite off the end, when he caught the furious head shaking of Law.

When Law saw the accursed food in front of him held by Shanks, he instantly snapped out of his pleasure clouded haze in favor of snarling, gritting his teeth, accidentally setting off the rubber ducky in his mouth. He hated bread, dammit! He thought he cleared out the submarine of the accursed food not even two days ago! Damn you, Penguin! You bread-loving moron! When he noticed the contemplative look upon the Yonko's face, Law could feel his face lose color as he came to the conclusion of what Shanks was considering. Considering the shape of the bread...He shook his head violently when Shanks started to move his hand.

The redhead paused, as he looked at the brunette shaking his head violently. So, then he wasn't supposed to eat it? Then what was he sup- Oh! Wow, once again he was surprised by the odd kinks of the man below him. Mentally shrugging, since it wasn't exactly a turn off, he shifted down the body, enjoying how it tensed up in anticipation.

'Fuck! Shit! No!' Invaded his mind as he tensed in revulsion, 'This motherfucker!' He shook, helpless to Shank's advances in his extreme anger. His face twisted into a scowl, burning scarlet in his anger.

Pushing aside the trembling legs, most likely from anticipated pleasure, the Yonko placed the loaf onto the silky sheets of the bed, before hungrily looking at the quivering hole. He gently prodded at it with his index finger before inserting it in dry. Law threw his head back, a squeak erupting from the duck as he clenched his teeth, a groan leaving his mouth. Supporting his weight on his elbow, Shanks experimentally wiggled his finger around the tight entrance. Small panting noises left Law's nose as he breathed deeply, the duck released several small squeaks from the merciless toothy grip of Law.

It seemed it was impossible to avoid biting down on. Shanks found himself inwardly liking it, weirdly enough that duck turned out to be very suggestive. He would never admit that out loud though.

Adding another finger in, the legs around Shanks slid uselessly on the silken sheets, ruffling them as they bonelessly flopped down, losing their tense nature. The redhead peered up at the younger's face satisfied to see the pleasured haze caught in the gray eyes, cheeks reddened with a blush.

Resigned to his fate, Law allowed himself to feel the overwhelming pleasure given to him by just two mere fingers. Annoying and odd kinks aside, the man was very satisfying in bed. His eyes rolled up as the fingers managed to the bundle of nerves hidden, a soft whimper was released from his throat as he arched his back up gracefully. The fingers scissored the small opening wider before popping out.

"Geh…" Law breathed heavily through his nose, upset at that lack of contact, but even more upset to realize what lie in wait for him next.

Grabbing the loaf beside him, Shanks positioned it at the winking hole before sliding it in. The reaction was instantaneous as an angry gurgle left Law's gagged mouth, his hips stuttering upwards at the increase in size. He tossed his head side to side in abhorrent denial as the dry and slightly rough piece of bread was shoved in slowly. It provided painfully delicious friction, leaving Law a heaving mess as his legs tangled with the bed-sheets. A squeak was heard as Law clenched his jaws, permanently silencing the toy as his teeth punctured through the rubber material of the duck.

The pleasure didn't end there as a warm and wet sensation enveloped his length. His arms trembled with effort as he fought off the ropes, desperately wanting to shove Shanks' head further down his length. A series of muffled whimpers gathered in his mouth as the rough surface of the bread grated against his sensitive inner walls.

Between the tight suction from Shanks' mouth on his cock to the bread loaf being used as a faux phallus, Law found himself quickly losing it. Tight intense heat coiled in his abdomen, letting Law know that he was close to release.

The quivering stomach and tightening balls gave it away to Shanks as well, as he lifted his head, tracing the throbbing vein on the underside of the rookie captain's cock one last time, releasing the length from his mouth at last. A longing moan sounded off from the trembling body beneath him, causing him to chuckle. Gently, he pulled the bread out, throwing it far across the room towards the trash bin, for no one was going to want to eat it now. Wasting no time, he positioned his weeping cock towards the entrance, snapping his hips in with ease into the tight and warm embrace.

The force of the initial thrust shoved Law towards the bedpost, forcing him the rearrange his arms clumsily. He panted through his nose in desperate need of air as his body heated up overwhelming his senses. He groaned as Shanks pulled out before slamming back in, leisurely using the strength that made him a formidable opponent in battle to forcefully push Law against the bedpost. The Yonko hit home on the bundle of nerves within Law, sending the rookie captain reeling in absolute bliss. He rocked his hips back, struggling to keep up with the Yonko. The both of them didn't last long.

Law cried out in pleasure as he climaxed, forcing Shanks to follow after him shortly when he tightened like a vice around his length. The Yonko painted Law's insides white. Struggling to catch his breath, Law fell limp as Shanks slid himself out. Reaching up, the redhead ungagged the rookie captain. Relieved to be rid of the rubber toy, Law vehemently spat out the well chewed toy unto the floor where it lay there pitifully.

The Yonko chuckled, sparing the abused toy a glance, "You have the oddest requests." He said, amused as he rolled off the body to lie besides him instead.

Law was confused. "Requests?" He asked smoothly, "This… wasn't of your own accord?" He demanded, feeling rage well up in him at his suspicions.

"My accord?" The Yonko repeated out loud, before laughing, "Dahahaha! Of course not! I'd never use a rubber ducky the way you asked me to-" He stopped himself when he noticed the murderous aura of the brunette. Law chuckled sinisterly, "Red-ya, show me that note." Blinking at the request, Shanks lazily reached out towards the steel floor, fingers retrieving the slip of paper. "Now, read it, out loud, and ask yourself seriously… are any of those things, things I'd ask of a stranger?"

Unsure of what the point of it was, Shanks read the note, "As punishment for interrupting and nearly risking the operation, I expect to see you stripped of all clothing in my bedchambers, bring rope and a rubber ducky…" Law choked off a noise that sounded suspiciously like a snarl. "When I get there I want you to tie me up and gag me with the rubber ducky. Bring a loaf of bread. - Law."

Silence surrounded the two naked men, one in absolute fury, the other in slowly understanding stupidity.

"Untie me, Red-ya. I have unruly subordinates that I need to reeducate." Gulping, Shanks complied. He pitied the poor souls.

…

End

* * *

Omake

Bepo clutched his furry head, screaming at his foolish Nakama. "You idiot! We're as good as dead!"

"I didn't think that it'd be used on a _fricken_ Yonko!" Shachi defended himself heatedly, "I thought it'd be Penguin or something! He'd never be able to subdue captain so it would have just been a hilarious fail!"

That brought deadly silence to the two Heart Pirates, before Shachi laughed nervously, the sound akin to a cat being mauled. "We're so dead, aren't we?"

Sure, Captain was strong, but there was no way he would have been able to stop a _Yonko's_ advances. The thought horrified the two pirates. They were brought out of their revere by the sound of steady footfalls echoing in the hallways. A chuckle sounded from behind the two. The noise chilled them to the bone as they started signing their death warrants.

'Please God-sama, forgive me and all of my sins.' Shachi thought.

'Sorry! I'm so sorry! I'll never do it again!' Bepo thought. Although, technically speaking, he had no part in the mess caused by Shachi. Unfortunately for him, Law didn't believe in not harming the messenger.

* * *

A/N: Whew! Wipes sweat off forehead, that was a tough cookie! I hope my requester found this not only funny but hot.


	4. Crocodile x Sanji

Pairing: Crocodile x Sanji (Hinted Crocodile x Mr.3- Only for plot, cuz, ew)

Rated: M

Summary: When Sanji answered the Den-Den Mushi, the last person he expected would be Mr.0. Not wanting to blow his cover, Sanji deals with some pretty unexpected shit.

Warning: Phone sex and sex toys. Attempt at dirty talking. (Probably a shit job) Be aware that this is on the weirder side in terms of the yaoi fandom. (But there is definitely weirder out there) Spoilers for Alabasta Arc

A/N: Sorry for the delay~! It's been ages! I've been suffocating under work, guys. In fact, to even to do this chapter, I'm pulling all-nighters. But, it's worth it for this fangirl of yaoi. (This is one of my favorite random pairings) The only one I could find (Pride by jadeprince) was a harsh rape one. (It's good in it's right and has a squeal, as it's meant to be a rape recovery story, although I didn't read the second story) And I don't like reading rape. I consider the stuff I write as more as ravishment, as I don't really bring pain upon the uke. I can imagine someone out there has a word or two to that, but yeah. Ravishment is the term I'd use. Besides, this is fictional for a reason.

* * *

Sanji honestly didn't understand why there was such a comfortable place in the middle of nowhere. The material was odd too, something one wouldn't find on such an island as the one that he and his crew landed on. Someone lived here or at least frequently visited. They made good tea, whoever they were. Ah, just a touch of some vanilla and this would be perfect to give to Nami-swan and Vivi-chan. He started coughing violently.

'Nami-swan~! Vivi-chan~!' His mind screamed out. Placing his cup down gently, he stood up to leave.

"Why is this place even out here?" He muttered to himself. Lighting up his cigarette, he walked over to the door.

"Pururu… Pururu…" A noise came out from behind Sanji. The sound was very familiar.

'What the…' He thought coming to a halt. His single exposed eye roamed the bare room, landing on a picnic basket.

'I've got time.' He figured before he cautiously approached the basket.

Gently opening the folds, he was greeted with a slouching. "It's a Den-Den Mushi." He commented to himself. In a split- second decision, he decided to answer. Lifting the snail up, he placed it unto the table. Picking up the receiver, he fell unto the couch behind him. Taking a drag of his cigarette, he replied.

"Hey, thanks for calling. This is the shitty restaurant. You wanna make an order?" The brief silence that followed made his eyebrow furrow.

"Cut the bullshit. Asshole." The Den-Den Mushi echoed back in a deep tone.

Sanji's eyebrow flew up. 'Heh, we got an impatient shitty customer here.'

"Your report's late." The snail's eyes were nearly closed. Sanji was amused.

"Huh? Report?" Sanji coolly asked, "And might I inquire as to who is calling?"

"It's me. Mr. 0." He answered. Sanji's amusement was gone in an instant. This is the man that Vivi-chan mentioned before. Luffy was probably going to end up fighting him later. He looked at the Mushi, 'The guy on the other side… is one of the Shichibukai, Crocodile.' He thought. Sanji's mind was racing.

Crocodile continued, "It's been days since I gave you your orders. What the hell's going on?"

'Mr. 3… that must be the owner of this Den-Den Mushi…. I see… I get it now. This is the enemy's lair and he was pursuing Vivi-chan. Damn, they better be ok.' He scowled, looking off to the side at nothing in particular. 'Shouldn't have gone hunting.'

"What's with the silence? I asked you a question." Mr.0 demanded from the other side, bringing Sanji's attention back to the matter at hand. "Have you eliminated Princess Vivi and those Straw-Hat pirates?"

'Play along with it, Sanji.'

"Yeah, mission accomplished. I got rid of the bastards that discovered your secret. So, there's no need to pursue them anymore."

"I see. Good work, my little wax-maker." He complimented. Sanji's eye widened in disbelief. "The unluckies should be arriving soon to confirm your mission's success and make a delivery."

'Ah, shit.' Sanji thought. He looked over to the side, seeing a Vulture and Otter of all things poised to attack him. 'Those are probably the Unluckies.' He thought dryly. The chaos that came was brief- Cut it out, you freakin' giant chicken!- but it was enough to have Crocodile demanding what happened.

Panicking, Sanji's mind raced to excuse the incident. "Ah, sorry about that. The Unluckies were taking care of an animal intruder for me."

There was silence on the other side of the line, making Sanji believe that his cover had been blown.

"Go use the package, Mr.3. Use it right now." Lifting a curled brow, Sanji looked around, seeing a brown knapsack nearby the shitty Vulture.

The contents were scandalous. Sanji's face went red. He's heard of this before. The box itself screamed inappropriate with it's hot pink designs. It was used by long-distance lovers, so that they could at least maintain the sex aspect of their relationship. He blanked out at the sight. 'I...I can't do this.'

From what Sanji gathered by overhearing customers at the Baratie, there was a regular dildo and the inverse dildo. The regular dildo, which is what he was staring at with heavy denial at the moment, was used by the submissive partner. The inverse dildo stretched over the dominant's dick. When both partners use it, the regular dildo takes on the exact shape of the dominant's dick, copying even the throbbing, thrusting, and heat that the inverse dildo sends over. Likewise, the inverse dildo wraps around the dominant as much as the submissive's 'passage' does. It also heats up as much as the passage does. It's basically direct sex with your partner, yet not really.

He had really fucked up this time around.

If he didn't… use it… as Crocodile had put it, then he'd be purposefully letting his cover go. Crocodile would know that Mr.3 never got around to eliminating them and poor Vivi-chan wouldn't be able to get to her kingdom in peace. But, this… this was…

"Like it?" Crocodile asked from the other side. "It was quite expensive. Something you wouldn't be able to afford."

'Rude much?' Sanji just couldn't help but think. 'Just who is Mr.3 to him?' If it meant some peace and quiet for Vivi-chan, for even just a little bit, he'd do it.

Nevertheless, this is going to be an unmentionable event in Sanji's relatively short life.

Laughing under his breath, he smirked demurely. He walked over to the couch, putting out his cigarette on the table's surface.

"It's perfect." He said lowly to Den-Den Mushi. His paling face betrayed his voice.

"Kuahahaha." A unique laugh rang from the snail. "I think we can agree that we've been waiting too long for this."

'Not really.' Sanji thought.

"Certainly have, haven't we." He agreed with the Shichibukai. He kicked off his black shoes. He found himself thankful that this would be taken care of completely under the radar. Crocodile had no idea he was about to fuck someone other than Mr.3, no one knew that Sanji was here even. It made it less shameful. 'For Vivi-chan.' He encouraged himself.

Sanji slinked to the couch gently, throwing his leg over the backrest. Unbuckling his pants, he lifted his hips sliding them down. He loosened his tie as Crocodile started speaking again.

"Talk dirty to me." He commanded. Sanji's face turned pink. How did gay men talk dirty to each other?! His lines were meant for women! For goddesses!

"Make me feel it for weeks, boss." Sanji said lamely. His hands trembled as he ripped open the package, slipping out a purple toned phallus shaped object. He flicked on the switch located on the bottom, shivering when it stretched in size whilst in his grasp. It must have been 13 inches in length and 2 and half inches in girth. This was Crocodile's… Damn. At least… he's got more material to work with..

"Mmh, I think I found something to sleep with all night long." Sanji murmured just loud enough for the snail to hear. "Careful, I think I just might be replacing you, boss." Like hell he isn't gonna get a few jabs out of this. The bastard deserves to be brought down a peg or two.

"I'm sure you'll be sleeping with it in." The snail smirked. Sanji's jaw unhinged at the insinuation. Looking at the size, he'd definitely be feeling it for weeks, even without Crocodile trying, after just a few minutes, much less a whole night.

"Now, prepare yourself for me." The deep toned voice ordered. Biting his lip, Sanji slipped his clothes off his ankle and laid them onto the table. He doesn't think any preparations he does with his hands will be enough.

"Impatient, are we?" He spoke back suavely. "You aren't old enough to be experiencing problems."

"A shame that I'm not there to punish you for such cheek. You'll get what's coming to you sooner than later." The crime leader said ominously. 'Right.' Sanji thought back smartly, smirking darkly. 'If only you knew.'

"Oh my." Sanji teased back.

Sanji's fingers prodded his hole. He didn't have anyone to think of to help him get through this scenario. He would never think of Nami-swan or Vivi-chan in such a vile situation. He let go of all discrepancies, just letting all things happen.

"Suck me, slut." The voice echoed the room, making it seem like it was closer than it really was.

"Fucker." Sanji threw back, before he brought the huge dildo to his face, a musky scent confronted his nose.

'It copies scent too? Goddamn.' It made things feel way more realistic than it had to be. The chief licked the head, lapping at it. His wandering finger entered his hole halfway before pulling out to the very tip. The dildo throbbed in his light grip. This was honestly the weirdest thing he's ever done.

'No one knows you're doing this right now.' He shakily reassured himself one last time.

A puff of air left the snail's slightly open mouth as Sanji's mouth enveloped the head of the dildo. Sanji's eyes closed as he slipped another of his slender fingers into his entrance below.

Soon enough Sanji had four fingers slowly thrusting inside of himself and just slightly more than half of the dildo in his mouth. Sanji groaned around the faux phallus as he hit something deep inside him. Sanji's own length was hardening under the caresses of his fingers.

"Enough." Crocodile's voice crackled back to life, "Fuck yourself upon my dick, now."

Sanji tightened around his fingers in fear, his shoulders hunching in his lying position. He pulled the dildo out, ignoring the trail of saliva. Shifting himself on the couch, he laid both legs over the backrest, as his torso and head went upside down. He figured that gravity would help. With both long legs strewn over the couch, Sanji spread them out in a show of extreme flexibility gained through his fighting style.

A slurping pop was heard as Sanji extracted his fingers from his hole. Positioning the long length of the Shichibukai above him, he slowly started to insert it. His legs strained in protest as he felt himself stretching to compensate the girth of only the head. His eye snapped shut.

Sanji panted slowly, sweat sliding to his hairline. He could hear a groan from the Den-Den Mushi.

"You know… Mr.3 would never have agreed to this." The voice breathed out. Sanji's eyes blinked open in an instant. "My subordinate… has been denying my invitations." Pure dread crawled sickenly across Sanji's spine. "So then… who's the poor idiot that put themselves in this situation?"

"Shit." Sanji muttered out loud, before harshly grasping at the the dildo partially inside him. He really fucked up. But, how was anyone supposed to know that?

The laughter of the man over the line was all the warning Sanji got, before the length snapped forward into him. The force made Sanji's back arch off the couch like a bow, his head narrowly missing the table's leg. He cried out at the sudden stretch, leaving a burning sensation as the only thing he could feel was being unbearably full.

'Too much!' He cried out mentally. His legs trembled as they were forced to support his body in its bowed position. He shakily looked up at himself, his vision blurry, horrified to see that only half of the length had entered him.

"Asshole!" He cursed out, "Shitty Shichibukai!"

"Kuahahaha… You must be one of the strawhats then." Crocodile spoke amused, seemingly unaffected by the sexual aspect of their encounter. "You're a sneaky one, aren't you?" He mused.

Sanji's lips twisted to a scowl. Placing one hand on the ground as support, he reached up again to pull out the dildo and put an end to the matter. He might even kick it around, the shitty fucker deserved that much.

"You must have thought that if you deceived me into thinking your crew was dead you'd be able to come to Alabasta unhindered." He spoke.

Just as Sanji's hand was a scant few inches from being able to pull the offensive intruder out, Mr.0 pulled out and harshly thrust back in, managing to shove another inch of himself in. The force of his thrust was brutal and Sanji couldn't hold back, "Guh!" He cried out. "F-fucker." He stuttered. He had to use both hands to prevent his head from slamming into the floor.

"It really is a shame that I can't be there in person." Crocodile lamented mockingly, "I suppose I'll allow your crew to come to Alabasta, if only to commend your acting skills."

'Nice to see that this won't be a complete waste of time.' Sanji thought sarcastically. "Shitty mafia-boss wannabe." He insulted, his voice stressed.

"How cute." The Shichibukai said dryly. He began to mercilessly pummel into Sanji, slowly working his way to completely engulfing himself in the entrapping heat of Sanji's entrance.

Sanji yelped, his arms and legs trembling as they struggled to maintain his precarious upside-down position. The couch offered little support against the abuse. The man fucked like he was fighting, using impossible strength in his thrusts. He struggled to look up, shocked when he realized that the entire length was sliding into him at that point.

Stars burst in his vision as the crime leader hit something deep within him. Sanji threw back his head, his arms giving out on him for a second. He barely caught himself, his head mere centimeters from the unforgiving floor.

"Ngh!" He moaned out, his face reddening at the lewd sound. His hard cock slapped his stomach in sharp pain, a contrast to the abrupt pleasure he experienced mere seconds ago.

"Hoh?" Crocodile sounded out from Sanji's pleasured haze, "Quite the sound there, Straw-hat." The snail could be seen mimicking a smirk.

"B-bastard." Sanji groaned, his voice utterly wrecked.

"Let's see if we can more like that from you?"

Sanji's visible eye widened in shock when the dildo pulled out to the very tip. 'Shit.' was all he could manage before it slammed straight unto his pleasure spot with horrible strength behind it.

"NGH!.. gah.. hah.. fuck!... hah.. hah." He mewled out, panting. Crocodile pulled out halfway, slamming back in an instant with mind numbing force. "Fuck! I.. hah.. stoNgh!" Sanji's body rocked with the thrusts, his aching neglected cock slapping his stomach with each motion, pre-cum leaking out. Droplets of his pre-cum hit his chest and chin due to his position.

Over Sanji's moaning, one could hear the panting from Crocodile over the Den-Den Mushi.

"You'll be cumming from only my cock." He growled. Sanji was barely able to hear him. Crocodile kept up the brutal pace for minutes with Sanji barely keeping up, before Sanji clenched around him like a vice.

"Shit! Gonna… hah!" Sanji cried out shakily, before climaxing over himself. It splattered all over his chest and part of his face. Crocodile didn't cease his movements, determined to reach his end as well.

"Gah! You! Sto-Hah!" Sanji protested weakly, oversensitive now that he reached his climax. A growl from the other side of the line could be heard, as the Shichibukai continued, ignoring the protest.

Tears of frustration welled up in the chief's eyes, "S-shit!" His arms shook violently. Shoving far deeper than it ever had, the dildo paused inside him, making Sanji shudder, his toes curling. A brief moment of no movement fell over the room as Sanji came to the awkward conclusion that Crocodile was currently cumming, however. the toy didn't actually do that, so it was… just there… in the meanwhile.

Slowly it slipped out of him, making obscene slurping noises in the process. Shakily, Sanji reached up to the shrinking toy and pulled it out completely, fidgeting at the feeling of emptiness he felt as he did so. He's going to need a lifetime to recover from this. He violently flung the damned thing across the room.

"Lovely doing business, Mr..?" Crocodile spoke out in a mockery of what just took place. Rearranging his body, Sanji tentatively sat down. He was going to feel this for weeks, he could tell already. He scowled at the snail.

"Mr. Prince." He snarked as a giant 'Fuck you.' His hands searched his breast pockets for his cigarettes and lighter.

"That's quite ironic, I hope you know." Mr.0 replied, amused. Sanji wasn't so amused. He brought the unlit cigarette to his pale lips.

"I'd like to see you say that when you're ass is sent flying to the clouds, shitty Shichibukai." Sanji said back seriously, lighting the cigarette.

"Kuahaha… I'll be waiting for you and your crew at Alabasta then, Mr. Prince." He hung up.

* * *

Days later found Luffy beating the living crap out of Crocodile, sending him flying into the clouds. Down below, one could find Sanji smirking darkly, "Heh, shitty Shichibukai."

* * *

A/N: The only reason why Crocodile's **** was so big was because he's like 8 feet tall (8 foot 3 inches). To give him an average sized one, when the average height is like 5 to 6 feet would be weird for looking for his body. As in it'd be frankly small for his stature. Don't even get me started on how the fuck Doflamingo's would look like, since that sexy man is almost 11 feet tall! (10 foot 10 inches).

Also, since I'm a little Sanji fangirling shit.

HAPPY SANJI YEAR~! (Oda stated that 2016 will be Sanji's Year, as in we'll be seeing his backstory~!) So excited!


	5. Mihawk x Ace

Pairing: Mihawk x Ace (Unrequited Mihawk x Shanks as plot device)

Rating: M

Summary: When Ace decides to visit Red-haired to say his thanks, he unintentionally interrupts the Yonko's party with unwillingly present Shichibukai, Dracule "Hawk-eye" Mihawk. Ace is surprised to see that he's being used as a distraction.

Warning: Spoilers for those that have no idea who Big Mom is. (Although, she's only mentioned in passing, so I guess it's okay?) Also, takes awhile to get into the steamy side. Also, swearing.

A/N: I have no idea where this one came from, but it sounds hot and is actually sadly rare. I think this is the only one. _" So, as such, I'm going to try to give it justice. So you guys enjoy this rarity, m'kay? Also, I apologize for taking so long. Drama in life makes it hard to write this stuff.

* * *

The Spade Pirates wearily trudged after their captain, feet dragged through the chilling snow that reached their knees. The wind bit into their bones, sinking into the marrow. They were uncertain on how to just loyally follow their captain in the blizzard. It's not as if _he_ felt the cold. He was grinning, gloved hand holding down his orange cowboy hat that the wind threatened to blow over.

"Cap'n! We should turn back!" Someone flanking the back called out.

"No! Keep going!" Ace shouted back. His ears twitched at the faint sound of music over the howling of the wind. Grin widening, he clumsily trudged through the slowly melting snow.

'I got this in the bag, thanks to Makino, I'll be able to say thanks to Luffy's hero.' He thought confidently. His crew groaned behind him with chattering jaws.

* * *

Shanks was predictably drunk again. Mihawk sat coolly assessing the common scene of the Red-haired pirates singing off tune to an off tune beat. Shanks blabbered utter nonsense to his first mate, Ben Beckman. Shanks constant parties had been amusing initially to Mihawk, blackmail was blackmail after all, but if that blackmail happens every time Shanks is sober enough to want to throw a party again, then it's not blackmail, no, it's nothing to be embarrassed about if it occupies 90 percent of your time. At that point it was a life style.

Mihawk did not particularly care for the finer details in Shanks' behavior, but he was certain Shanks is still too devastated from the death of his late captain, the Pirate King.

Piercing golden eyes slid shut. There was a faint twitch in his left eyebrow, his senses flaring at the approach of the Yonko. He casually occupied himself with the sake offered to him by a member of the crew, tipping it back. Annoying as Red-haired was, his choice in alcohol was superb. It's still arguable if that makes the visits worth it though.

"Hey, hawky!" Shanks stumbled across his lap, while trying to pass him to the seat on his left. Mihawk will never get rid of that nickname. Not since that night anyways. His lower jaw faintly twitched in could have only been assumed to be from mild irritation. He pulled his knees casually to the side, making room for the drunken redhead to pass by. He smiled widely then, cheeks tinted red, eyes deceivingly glazed over.

'How irritating.' Mihawk could not help thinking. He mentally prepared himself for Shank's next misleading attempt to bed him. He was aware of the younger male's inclinations and had actually gotten himself trapped once. Just once was enough to spur on the Yonko's attempts.

Just as he'd rather not fight someone missing an arm, he'd rather not get into a sexual encounter with one. They were rivals back when Shanks had both arms, and Mihawk wanted to respect and eternalize that, at least so this way, he can never tempt fate to disappoint him if Shanks is no longer able to maintain a fight against him. Along that line of thought, Shanks will always remain as a friend, no matter how much the scarred male demanded for more.

Shanks' hand clumsily fell on Mihawk's left knee, as the man stumbled with himself to sit down. The touch more gentle and firm than it had any right to be. The man always was such a good actor while under the influence. Mihawk's face was of cool indifference to the touch though and he could see from his peripheral the practically imperceptible downward tug on Shanks' lips for it. His lips parted then, eyes losing their glazed touch slightly in favor of sharply analyzing the Shichibukai. Mihawk simply took another sip of his drink.

'Not again.' He thought to himself, aware of Shanks' rising frustration. He lifted a brow in challenge at Shanks, before speaking.

"I was under the impression that we went over this, Red-hair." He spoke, almost frigidly. "Perhaps I should leave now." He contemplated loud enough for Shanks to hear him past his drunk stupor.

Something seemed to snap within Shanks as he pulled away from his knee to instead resting his arm over the swordsman's shoulders, resuming his facade, he shouted to everyone else, "Dahaha, Mihawk's threatening to leave, everybody! What do we all have to say about that?!"

"Stay!" His crew shouted, pausing in their antics, before getting distracted by Yassop one shotting Ben with a snowball. The normally serious male growled, turning to the sharpshooter in wonderment and playful annoyance. "You seriously went out there just to do that?" he asked. He smirked, "Careful, might find yourself with permanent blue balls." The crew burst out into laughter, Yasopp visibly reddening. Shanks laughing loudly, barely staying upright, even with his arm slung over Mihawk. The dark-haired male could only grunt in mild exasperation.

It lasted until one of Shanks newer crewmembers came back inside, teeth clattering loudly, as the panic was visible in his face. He shouted something, but due to the sheer amount of clattering teeth, no one understood him. Mihawk openly stared at him.

"I think he wants some meat." Lucky Roo pointed out. The man started flailing his arms wildly in clear annoyance.

"Dahaha, nah, he clearly wants beer! A man after my own heart!" Shanks exclaimed excitedly.

"What? No, he wants a new jacket. Oi, Ben." Yasopp pointed at him, "Give the poor thing your new jacket."

"Hm?" Ben looked over at Yasopp, then to the man, "Wait, he's the reason why we're on this island. That's why he's out there in the cold keeping watch."

The crew simultaneously could be found picking at their noses, "Eh, throw him back out, then."

The man's face looked stricken, as he attempted to speak up again, only for four others to pick him up. "Out you go, jackass." They dumped him out, quickly rushing back inside the cave once that was dealt with. "Man! It's so cold out there that even that fatass Big Mom could freeze!" One of them shouted out. Shanks overheard them and laughed obnoxiously, removing his arm off Mihawk, as he clutched his stomach. "Man, I wonder if he'll be okay out there." Another commented ruefully. The crew looked around at each other, giving the man a few moments of silence, before they started shouting again.

Mihawk breathed calmly through his nose, taking another sip from his mug, before stating nonchalantly, "He was actually warning you about the rookie Fire Fist Ace approaching." Shanks started wheezing next to him.

"How'd he hear that?!" Someone in the crowd muttered loudly.

"Maybe he speaks stupid?" Another said.

"Wait, what?"

"I mean, it's a possibility." He shrugged.

"That's not what I meant…"

Shanks, recovered from his coughing fit, shouted, "Everyone! Launch the Intimidation Welcoming!" His crew scrambled left and right. Shanks seemingly not drunk anymore seated himself in front of the fire. His crew giggled under their breaths, one whispered to Mihawk almost conspiratorial like, hand hiding his moving lips from Shanks back. "He does that because the light from the flames makes him look more intimidating. Pft." Mihawk, ignoring the man, merely moved to lean his back against the rocky wall. Ben, Lucky Roo, and Yasopp sat nearby their captain, all facing the entrance of the cave. The rest of the crew cleared the area up and leaned up against the walls or stood behind their captain.

The man from before came running back, shivering and flailing, this time attempting to use a sign language of sorts, as his teeth still clattered. Shanks smiled kindly, "Thank you, let them in. Warm up while you're at it." The man looked so relieved. He scrambled out, shouting outside to someone, assumingly Ace, before scurrying back inside, arms tightly wrapped around himself. He randomly chose someone to latch onto for heat. "Gah! Jesus! You're cold! Get off!" The victim whispered loudly, squirming. Someone whispered back harshly, "Shut up, heater! You'll ruin our cool image!" The victim's crew-mates nodded in agreement, and just like that the man was peer-pressured into being a silent heater for his freezing mate.

* * *

A moment of tense silence passed, before the room started to heat up unnaturally. Snow melted around the tall figure wearing a bright orange cowboy styled hat and a light brown cloak wrapped around him. A dozen or so figures walked behind the man, a shivering exodus of men following the one in front. They walked past the mouth of the cave, the crew stopping to wait there, as their captain moved forward. His figure glowed a dim orange as the cave heated up to more tolerable levels of warmth than the occasional bite of cold from a gust of wind outside. Before it could turn into a truly uncomfortable heat, however, he let the flame die off, the orange color fading into nothingness. His hand moved up to fix his hat, allowing everyone to see his face more closely.

The man had a tan face, a thin nose, and freckles that decorated his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, pitch black eyes, and chin length black hair. "Hello." He greeted warmly. His stance was non-threatening, and his face didn't seem to hold any ill-intent, but then again, this was the new world and there were many people around here that could hold a facade. Shanks took a moment to observe his unexpected guest, before addressing him, barely holding back anticipation within his voice as he did so. "So… did you come here to fight, super rookie?"

His hand, which until that moment holding his katana upright besides him, reached up to the hilt.

Using his thumb, he lifted the sword from its sheath slightly, revealing a glint of the sharp metal that laid hidden. Ace quickly lifted his hands in front of him in a surrendering motion, making his disinterest in a fight clear to the red-haired man.

"No, no." He assured. "I'm here to thank you for saving my little brother." The tense demeanor of Shanks lessened significantly suddenly.

"What?" He asked, a dopey smile starting to develop on his lips, "Luffy's your brother?!" He asked excitedly. Clear interest was visible on the rest of his crew's face. "I had no idea he had a brother! Come on, tell me all about him and yourself!" He gestured at Ace to seat himself in front of the fire as well, before declaring the commencement of yet another party. Mihawk could feel his jaw twitch in slight disbelief.

* * *

A full hour had passed of Ace sharing stories of his time in East Blue with his younger Brother, who Mihawk learned to be Monkey D. Luffy, before Fire Fist finally noticed the somber swordsman sitting by himself, almost looking like he was sulking, cradling a mug of sake by himself amidst the rambunctious crew. Ace openly stared for a moment, before grinning at the older male. "Hello, I'm Portgas D. Ace, pleasure to make your acquaintance, Hawkeyes." He held his hand up in a slight wave.

There was a practically heedy darkening in the younger man's eyes as he regarded Mihawk almost thoughtfully. He patiently waited for a response, but Mihawk was busy processing what he was seeing in the super rookie's face, and as such, was contemplating the result of responding to the greeting.

"Good evening, Fire Fist." Mihawk finally replied after a few moments, the look in Ace's eyes both not escaping him and not making him interested in the almost silent invitation burning at him. Ace was satisfied with the little amount of reception he received from the Warlord, however, knowing when his advances were accepted or not. Now, it didn't mean he was going to give up, he'll just try later on, perhaps warm himself up to the older male before making his move.

Another hour passes, with Shanks and his crew regaling what seemed to be tall tales, but, knowing the Yonko's antics, were probably actually true. Ace's attention was divided between listening to their stories and also trying to get eye contact from Hawkeyes. The golden eyed male was having none of it however, content with leaning against the wall, eyes closed, and arms crossed in front of himself. The brim of his feathered hat pulled low, almost covering his eyes, emptied mug at his side. His long legs stretched out in front of him, his right ankle resting on his left.

Ace frowned at the severe lack of attention displayed by the man. He could understand not accepting any of his advances, but falling asleep during the party?

'Geez, Makino would have a fit over this man and his lack of manners.' Ace couldn't help but think to himself. Letting up on it, he gave Shanks his full attention, finding the story funny enough to burst out in laughter with others.

Mihawk lifted his head slightly, surprised at the laugh coming from Fire Fist. It was not entirely unpleasant actually. He decided that he needed to confirm that that laugh was actually coming from the Super Rookie. Opening one golden eye, he tilted his head just so, his gaze landing on Ace, and confirmed that indeed the laugh belonged to him. He didn't expect for Ace to look at him at that precise moment though, Ace finally managing to get the eye contact he's been seeking for the past hour.

Ace felt a jolt run down his spine from the darkened golden eye that pierced him in place so intensely it felt like all the air in the room ran away. The light from the fireplace made his eyes seem like they were made of molten lava, the light gently caressing his face, defining it like a piece of art. Mihawk oddly felt smug from garnering such a reaction, but he couldn't help but notice just how nice Ace looked at that moment, the flames lighting his eyes to a lighter brown, revealing widening pupils, his lips parted, freckles seeming to appear and disappear with each flicker of the flame, and it was enough for him to slid his eyes shut again as a meager attempt to escape that thought process. He brought his head down again, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

* * *

Shanks was a man normally oblivious to such things, read sexual tension, but as with all things related to Mihawk, he noticed. Mihawk could tell from the small way of Shanks tightened shoulders, the way that he seemingly tried to contest for Ace's undivided attention, succeeding for a small amount of time, before the Yonko's crew-members started demanding for his attention.

"Yo, Captain, we're here. We exist too, you know." One complained. Ben smirked at his captain.

"Leave the man alone, Shanks." Referring to Ace. "Your crew wants your attention too, like little puppies." He teased. His crew-mates took offense to his choice of phrasing, ganging up on their first-mate, eventually succeeding in dragging Shanks into their quarrel.

"Captain!" They whined, "Help us teach him a lesson." They were physically unable to actually beat him up themselves.

Ben grinned, "This certainly disproves of you lot being attention seeking puppies." He said sarcastically.

"Shut up, Ben Beckdick!" They exclaimed back in anger. Shanks was barely able to contain his laughter, inciting his first-mate, leaving Ace and Mihawk to themselves.

* * *

"So, I'm guessing you often find yourself dragged into this situation, huh?" Ace asked airly, clearing intent on starting a conversation with the Warlord. An amused snort escaped Mihawk.

"Rest assured, it's only for the endless free sake." He said calmly, had it been anyone else their tone would have been more playful, but it still had a laugh coming from Ace, regardless.

"Hey, how is it like being a Shichibukai? I got an offer, but I turned it down. Still funny that they tried though." He asked curiously.

The question gave Mihawk pause, his eyes bearing down on Ace, before he answered, "Useful." Was all he had to say. Ace smiled and nodded, like he understood it in a way those that have insider jokes do. It puzzled Mihawk, but he assumed that Ace was the type to just take things as they were and not question them too much. Ace quieted down, so Mihawk was hopeful that that was that. That he satisfied whatever was going on with the younger male and the issue was finally resolved. Little did he realize that things were just getting started.

"You gonna go back to sleep now?" Ace asked, voice almost reprimanding. "Are you that bored?" Mihawk openly stared at the male, wondering at how the man could be so demanding of him.

"I hadn't realized that I offer so much that my presence would be missed." He answered almost snarkily, except that his face and tone of voice didn't betray such emotion.

"Maybe you would if you didn't fall asl–" Ace was cut off by himself, eyes closing as his body slumped forward.

Mihawk felt his jaw unhinge slightly as he slowly processed the fact that the man fell asleep while lecturing him for doing the exact same. He didn't even know where to start, there were just so many issues to cover. The fact that the brat was lecturing him, fell asleep while lecturing him, or apparently the fact that he is interested in him enough to lecture him. He shook his head to himself. He was mildly surprised when Ace jerked forth from his position, reeling back to sitting upright once more. The dark haired male looked confused briefly with his surroundings before he honed in on Mihawk. A frustrated sound escaped him as he realized the irony with what had just transpired. Mihawk smirked, not holding back like he usually did with his expressions. Ace clutched at his hair, scowling over at the swordsman. He huffed in annoyance, mouth opening and closing.

'Screw it.' He thought.

"You asshat." He insulted. Mihawk was far too amused now. He lifted his mug from his side, frowning at the emptiness that greeted him, before looking up to Ace.

"No, please." He demurred, "Do continue."

Ace hissed as if burned. And was that not an odd thing? A man made of fire being burned.

Mihawk thought back to the laugh he heard from Ace earlier on in the party and couldn't help but wonder what other sounds Ace could make and if they were as pleasant as that laugh. He was actually frozen in place when he realized that he wanted to hear Ace more. He wanted to hear the moans, the breathy cries, the mewls of pleasure, anything that would escape those lips whilst in the throes of pleasure. The thought was an abrupt one without warning either and he looked down to stare at the emptiness of his mug. It shocked him when he fully realized that he wanted to bed with the younger man.

Mihawk was a great many things, but he most certainly did not deny himself certain pleasures, especially when that pleasure is apparently seeking him out and not the other way around. It was just rare when he wanted to bed with someone, finding it difficult to express interest in others in such a manner.

"Oi, are you even listening?" Ace huffed, apparently he had been ranting, but Mihawk barely paid any heed to him.

He decided to accept Ace's advances, see where things went before he took any further actions. Now that Shanks and his crew finally left, he could see where things were headed for with the younger male. He lifted his head enough to have eye contact with Fire Fist. Ace was taken aback by the darkened orbs staring intently back at him. He felt like a rabbit caught in a trap, and oddly enough, it was turning him on more than anything else.

His throat felt dry as he asked, "So, want to get out of here already?" He took the risk and invited. Mihawk smirked over at him, feeling cocky that he got to Ace so quickly. He leaned towards Ace, close enough that his breath brushed against Ace's skin. "With pleasure." He replied roughly. Ace inhaled sharply as he felt a rush of blood to his groin. He barely held back a groan, "Then, what are we waiting for?"

Mihawk stood up smoothly, Ace almost tripping himself in his excitement, belatedly trying to save face by walking out of the cave smoothly at least, making Mihawk think to himself how unexpectedly cute that actually is. Fortunately, the blizzard had actually let up when they were leaving the cave, so the good news was that no one had to die trying to get to the ships.

* * *

Ace took one look at Mihawk's ship, gave him a look that clearly asked if he was insane, then directed them over to his own ship. Mihawk looked over his ship, disgruntled from Ace's harsh reaction, before he followed the other. Snow-tracks were left behind the two of them.

* * *

They barely touched down on the deck of Ace's ship, before they met each other's lips, kissing heatedly. Mihawk allowed himself to be pushed backwards by Ace, their lips still connected, as Ace maneuvered them into his room, passing several halls. Mihawk's hand grasped the back of the younger's head, gripping his hair, before resting on his neck. Ace moaned into the kiss, his hand fumbling behind him to close the door shut behind him. A click was heard as Ace succeeded in closing the door and he pushed Mihawk until the the back of the older's knees hit the bed. Mihawk grinned behind the kiss as Ace tried pushing him unto his bed. He firmly resisted the pushes, far stronger than the shorter male. A sound of annoyance was muffled by the kiss.

His unoccupied hand grabbed Ace by the hips, pulling him flush against himself, before he turned them around, so that Ace could fall upon the bed rather than him. Ace propped himself on his elbows to look at Mihawk better. "Come." He said simply. His cheeks were flushed from the kiss, creating a stark contrast between the red and his freckles. Mihawk, maintaining eye contact with Ace, removed his hat slowly, throwing it like a frisbee to a small table in the room.

"Calm down, my rabbit." He said, his voice heavy with want. He kicked off his boots, Ace following his lead. Ace removed his ridiculous orange hat, tossing it in a similar manner as Mihawk had to the table. "Now our hats can be best friends." He snorted to himself. A huff of a laugh escaped Mihawk as well.

He walked the small distance up to Ace, kneeling over the younger, propping his knee on the edge of the bed, his arms reaching out besides Ace's shoulders, trapping him in place. Ace let himself fall flat against the bed, he reached up, touching Mihawk's exposed chest. The golden eyed male nuzzled his face against Ace's neck, before he slid himself fully unto the bed.

"Are you certain that you want this?" He asked. Ace looked up at him. He nodded and smirked, "What, rethinking are we?" He joked.

Mihawk smirked at the man underneath him. "No, just wondering if you'd really want it, after you know just how badly I want to pound you into this bed."

Ace vocally groaned in pleasure, eyes closing slightly. "Fuck." He stared straight into his eyes. "Somehow, you just made me want you more." His hands reached up to Mihawk's jacket. "But, I would have to say, we're wearing too much."

"I would have to agree with such sentiment." His eyes darkened, pupils widening, "You are most certainly wearing too much." He sensually touched Ace's chest, slowly gliding down to his belt. "Hm. Let's start with this shall we?" He unbuckled it.

Ace lifted up his hips, practically grinding into Mihawk's groin, as Mihawk quickly slid his shorts down. The boxers followed. Next the shirt. Soon Ace was completely stripped of his clothing, while Mihawk had everything on. Ace frowned up at him, before smirking, "Now your turn." He reached up to Mihawk's shoulders to slid off his jacket, but Mihawk halted him from doing so. Gently but firmly, Mihawk held Ace's hands within his grip. The younger male looked up at the older, frowning gently in confusion.

"I want you to wait for a little longer, my rabbit." He requested. Ace nodded in consent. Mihawk let go of Ace's hands, and Ace not quite knowing what was okay and not okay, laid there. Not quite what he meant, Mihawk assured him that he could still touch him to which Ace eagerly started to stroke his chest. Mihawk leaned down, swooping down on those delectable lips. Lips locked in a languid battle, Mihawk started stroking the sides of Ace's chest. His hands and fingers strayed upon his chest, wreaking havoc upon the rising pink nubs. He rubbed them into hardness, pinching and tugging gently. Sounds of approval reverberating deep from Ace's throat spurring Hawkeyes on.

His cock was reddening, throbbing painfully, and was ramrod straight against his muscled stomach. Mihawk ground against him, clothed hard dick providing friction so intense that along with the nipple play, and make out, Ace could feel his eyes rolling up. His moans were muffled, swallowed by Mihawk's voracious mouth.

Ace tugged on Mihawk's nipples in reciprocative appreciation. One of his hands gently played with Mihawk's dark hair. When they finally parted their mouths from one another, both were left breathless. Mihawk, recovering faster, leaned back to remove his jacket. Ace's eyes were hazed over in lust as he licked his lips that turned red from all of the kissing. Mihawk watched as the pink appendage slipped out coating the lips with saliva before slipping back in. He barely held back a groan from the sight. "I'll need some lotion or oil." He spoke up, voice gruff from lust.

Ace panted far too impatient to deal with finding something like that, "Just use saliva." He answered. Mihawk frowned looking down at him.

"It's hardly my intention to hurt you." He replied back.

Ace groaned, "It won't hurt. Not the first time." He admitted.

"Irreverent." Mihawk sniffed. He made to get up, but Ace quickly wrapped his legs around his hips, trapping him.

"This is not happening." He growled, voice thick. "Use saliva, damn it." Mihawk looked at the flushed face of his partner before relenting.

"Very well." He offered 3 fingers to Ace's mouth. "Suck." He commanded. The man underneath him complied, taking the fingers into his mouth, making sure to thoroughly coat them in saliva.

When Mihawk felt that they were sufficiently wet, he removed them. Ace unlatched his legs from around the older, spreading them wide for easier access. Sliding down, Mihawk put his dry hand under Ace's spinal curve to provide him support, lifting his hips off the bed slightly. Ace's puckered hole was revealed. He slid one finger inside, prodding and shifting it around restlessly for a few moments before adding the second. Ace's hips started thrusting along with his fingers, gently fucking himself on them. Gasps and moans for the first time unhindered could be heard echoing the room.

"Hah ha guh ngh mnh, M-mihawk." Ace cried out.

'Yes, definitely a pleasant sound to hear.' Mihawk thought to himself vaguely, distracted from the desirable state of the younger male beneath him. He added the third finger, finally hitting Ace's prostate while doing so. "Ngh!"

A rare smile graced Mihawk's features. He stroked the bundle of nerves, removing his spare hand from supporting Ace to remove his pants at long last. His straining length sprang forth, free from its confines. He breathed out in relief. He stretched his fingers out as much as possible within Ace, doing so for another minute or so, before pulling out. To make it easier on Ace as he tried to enter him, he stroked up and down on his cock. Fire Fist wrapped his legs around his waist, eager to make him enter faster. He resisted it, going at his own pace, making Ace whine in frustration.

Almost agonizingly slow, Mihawk entered centimeter by centimeter until he bottomed out. By the end of it, both were breathing heavily. Ace started to scratch at Mihawk's back, nails dragging across his skin sensually. They both reached one another to kiss roughly, teeth clacking and tongues hitting one another. Mihawk pulled out a bit before slamming back in. He stroked Ace's length in tune with thrusts. Ace raised his hips to meet him in time. Soon enough a pattern was developed.

Mihawk worked his way up in sheer force behind his thrusts, slamming Ace into the mattress every single time. He truly was trying to fuck him into the bed. It was driving Ace crazy, he broke the kiss off, leaving his neck bare for Mihawk to suckle on gently.

This went on for a few minutes. Mihawk slamming into Ace, stroking his cock, suckling on his neck breathing harshly next to his ear. Ace thrusting back each and every single time, moaning, and scratching uselessly at his back.

"Sweet little rabbit caught in my net."

"Ngh! Mn, M-mihawk, fuck!"

Eventually, Ace started to shake his head slightly, his body shuddering as he released over his stomach. He clenched down on Mihawk, forcing him to climax as well. Mihawk stayed sheathed within him as they recollected their breaths. Ace let his legs flop off Mihawk bouncing off the bed. Mihawk murmured unintelligible things in Ace's ear, before he lifted himself up to look at a thoroughly fucked Ace.

Fire Fist laughed lightly, "Let's do this again." He said shakily before he passed out. Mihawk amused, wondered if it was because he was exhausted due to their little session or if it was because of his condition. He smirked down at the sleeping man, 'Why not both?' He thought to himself.

"Most certainly." He answered to the unconscious Ace.

…

End

* * *

Omake

"Dahaha!" Shanks laughed out loud along with Ben. He looked over to where Mihawk had been not too long ago, his chest feeling heavy with frustration and grief because Ace was gone as well and if those looks they were both sending each other was not enough, then he had no idea what would be. He faltered at the touch on his chin, directing his face back to Ben. He was surprised to see that it was Ben who was holding his chin so gently. Almost affectionately.

Ben sighed, his finger rubbed his jaw. "Captain- no, Shanks. You idiot."

Shanks was startled. "Wha-" He started but was caught off guard when Ben leaned in to kiss his forehead. He pulled back, gray eyes staring deep into Shanks' eyes. Shanks felt his throat tighten. He was about to speak, before Ben interrupted him once again.

"I love you and I'm tired of seeing you pine over that hawkeyes man." He confessed.

Shanks brain short circuited. 'Man, I wish I was actually drunk.' Was all he could think.

"I don't know what to say." He finally replied, staring at his first-mate. Ben nodded in understanding.

"Just at least think about it?" he asked, seeming unsure now. All Shanks could do was nod once again.

It had been just over a week before Shanks got himself in order. "I've come to terms that my feelings with Mihawk was an obsession I went overboard with. I see that now." He looked deeply into Ben's eyes, resolutely. "Ben, will you go out with your dumb captain?" He asked. Ben chuckled, "Only dumb?" He teased. Shanks' face went pink.

Ben reached out to pull Shanks closer by the back of his neck. He lightly kissed Shanks on the lips. "Of course, dumbass captain of mine." Shanks pulled back, "You know what, Ben?" He complained. Ben grinned amusedly. "I really should mark you down for insubordination." Shanks finished flatly.

"Why not just punish me, _captain_." Ben said huskily.

"...That works too."


End file.
